Don't bone anyone, just think of ur vibrator lol
HHaaaaaaaaa mmmmn vibrator
Ross. Joey. Chandler. Who would you do?
I think im going to throw up on grandma
She went to college and exploded out of the slut closet.
I was thinking about baking his mom "sorry you found out i was sleeping with your son" cupcakes
woke up to an unread text message i sent to myself: "brreakfdast..pork and ice cream."
Did she have bad breath? Bad breath makes you think of all the bad things in the world
I feel as though the word "tired" has become synonymous with "too high to manage the stairs" lately
I just typed in random letters on his address bar... 5 out of the 6....a porn site was in the drop down list hahahahaha get a life bro.
My new hangover cure is going for a haircut, just so the stylists give me a scalp massage during the shampoo.
That certainly explains the nine times your hair has looked different just this last month alone.
Look on the bright side, one day you will get to tell your grandkids how grandpappy got roofied on his 21st and woke up in a for sale house missing his shoes
I can wear a rubber suit at three am and spank someone's ass until its sore and fuck them three ways from Sunday. And get up the next day and do their laundry. As long as once in awhile they rub my back without expecting anything
I offered him midol and told him "it always helps my period so maybe it'll help yours"
STOP SENDING ME NAKED PICTURES WHEN I'M TRYING TO TEACH. MONDAY TUESDAY 1-3 IS A DICK AND ARSE FREE ZONE
His phone started ringing when we were pulled over and he said 'hold on, this is most likely more important than you', proceeded to answer it and agree to work sunday, then hung up, looked at the cop and told him to continue.
Randomize