Dude a guy just showed up with alcohol and a bag of double cheese burgers. I think I found my future husband.
They were like stripper heels, except business stripper heels, the kind strippers would wear to court.
Why would vodka do this to me? I've always been loyal
After he called me a "spirited little girl" I realized that I need to stop sleeping with guys more than ten years older than me.
Beer Popsicles are better in theory
he couldnt get it up, so i stole his lighter. i needed to have some reason to say the night wasnt wasted
Cops busted the party. A kid dressed as a dinosaur tried to crawl out the bathroom window but his tail got stuck. It took 3 cops to pry him out.
when the song champagne showers came on you poured some kids beer over his head... while giving him a lap dance
Normally this is when girls give blow jobs. That's how you mentally condition them to put up with PMSing, because they see the shinny blowjob light at the end of the tunnel.
I've spent all afternoon taking and editing selfies. The life of a bimbo is truly tiring.
If someone told me one person in the department was secretly a death eater, I would suspect her, no contest.
I'm pretty sure my roommate is moving out because her cat likes me better
I just found a contact in my phone named "Nick from The Party". Who's nick?
I gave him one of my famous hand jobs.
There's even glitter on my cock...
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