i didn't know you could wash puke off of bras with a dishwasher.
he used a semicolon in his bootycall text, of course he's not gonna go down on me.
i was calling myself "cat the lion" and tried eating the computer mouse because i thought it was "my prey"
Just woke up. My philosophy paper is a play, and my paper for musical theater is about physics. That's some dank shit you sold me
Do you ever wonder how many people have prayed for you to be a better person?
unfortunetly they frown upon drunk on duty paramedics
I did too many shots and now a kitten is trying to eat my bagel.
Fuck going to see The Hunger Games tonight. The only thing I'm hungry for is some dick. Let's go to the bar.
We'll wreck the fuck out of my furniture. How often does one really get the chance to fuck through a table with no negative consequences?
Yeah. I don't think I have anything left in me tho. I think I was throwing up tangible memories at one point.
I'm watching Russian dudes pole-dance. For research.
I tried to open a bottle of wine with toenail clippers last night. So this morning was obviously rough.
I just ordered a "football meatlong" from subway
wasn't that the evening we made out with the girls from the dental school, drank 3000 beers, almost had to beat up a guy at the strip club and James nailed some hot piece of tail and took her OSU windbreaker, which my dad went on to wear multiple times after finding it in the garage.
Yes. To all of that. Yes.
I'm going to tell you a beautiful word.
Fellatio.
Randomize
