My relationship with VH1 is so bittersweet
I just showed my boobs to our astate representative hahahahahahha
either my laughing turned him on, or he wanted to shut me up. either way, i dont care. it was amazing.
this morning your mother said to me "sorry to have to meet you like this, in my sons bed" later she said "you never know whos gonna be in there. its scary sometimes"
When I find myself drinking from a boot I just go with it and refuse to ask why.
Maid of honor is brides sister and single. Likes lemondrops. You're welcome.
Just had to return the shit I stole from the dining hall, with everyone watching...apparently there ARE consequences for being drunk, coked up and belligerent.
Well pretty sure I lost 3 of my best friends in one week. Remember when I said I wasn't sure if I was gonna be a better person or a more despicable one in 2012. Despicable wins.
Omg one side of my Labia is asleep. Has that ever happened to you?
this is definitely the first time I've ever had an orgasm and then had potatoes smeared on me within the same hour
Dude, my ex girlfriend showed up, bought me a tequila shot, made out with me and then disappeared into the night. Then her current girlfriend saw, so she came over and slapped me and then I made out with her too
This was before halftime
I RUINED A LESBIAN RELATIONSHIP BEFORE HALFTIME
I've been here 20 minutes and a sweaty naked man has kissed me on the cheek.
Update: I spent 10 minutes trying to fish out a rogue vagina weight.
just played fuck the dealer and thunderstruck with my physics ta. he is the third ta that i have drank with this semester, i think i'm getting good at college
His relationship is over as soon as he sees my boobs. I’m going to titty fuck my way into his heart
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