i've got a dick and you've got a pussy....what is the problem??
Richard, I just read on your Twitter account that you have enjoyed a, "Much needed post birthday smoothie..."...A bit revealing, no?
Nothing gets me like the O.C. theme song does.
You were sitting at the bus stop holding hands with some Polish girl you just met, who was just as drunk as you were, and you kept trying to light your Kit Kat and smoke it.
Every single piece. I examined every single square inch of this peanut butter and jelly sandwich. and fell in love with every inch. that high.
somehow we got the entire party to start singing "ill make a man out of you" from mulan. needless to say, that kid had the best keg stand i'd ever seen.
Just know I'm having fun but I still have my motor functions.
ASS. GYMANSTICS. OLYMPICS. NOW!!!
my neighbors having band practice on sunday morning is a message from the universe that I should stop drinking
He's taking me to Tao. This is going to be so weird. How do you go on a first date with a guy that has seen you naked more times than clothed?
Did we seriously steal a wet floor sign from McDonald's then get chased down by a homeless man for it? Never drinking again.
I feel like dick that good should always be within a five kilometre radius of me.
Tonight I researched being a phone sex operator and teaching English at a French school in Africa. I think my future lacks direction
I'm literally trying to cool beer down right now in my car by putting it on my floor and blasting cold air on it
I need to bang the neighbor boy. He’s given three women screaming orgasms this week alone.
Also, my apartment walls are too thin
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