Btw I've read that book you bought me...And I'm such a bitch now
But I don't think guys love me
If I go to jail what happens to my debt?
You dont have to pay it.
I'm going to jail.
I am not hooking up with him just to see what his penis looks like.
Whoever said drinking more helps a hangover didn't drink 96% of a fifth of whiskey last night. This is absurd.
The wedding was scheduled to start 5 min. ago. 20 people here so far, groomsmen in tees and jeans, catering by Costo. NO ONE OUR AGE IS READY FOR MARRIAGE!
besides im still about 80% sure that im eskimo brothers with jerry springer
I put an asterick after the names of people in my phone that I've fucked. Both as a form of bragging, and also so I can actually remember all their names.
So here's my pathetic thought of the day: what does it smell like to be sober?
The guy who's car I hit last night just followed me on Twitter...not sure how to feel about it.
The only time we had a decent conversation was when he was on acid, and, like, that's not a great start to a relationship.
This morning when you were fucking me you said you'd go to the store and get me tampons and a 30 pack
Earlier today I was eating cookie dough from a tube, now I'm laying naked next to a hot guy watching Pawn Stars in between orgasms. You really can have it all.
I'm telling you, I 'm beginning to think that my vagina is magical.
Nothing much. Just taking shots of tequila before I go get a bikkini wax. You?
I’m inviting a few of my favorite manwhores to a pool party. Bring booze and wear your banana hammock so Amy can see what I’m always talking about
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