its time to go be "that drunk guy nobody knows"....again.
today's thought: if you're naming your fb album "wEdDiNg dAy!!!!!!" you're too young to get married
Last night I got a napkin with 4 names & numbers: Katie, Ellen, Kylie...and Brandon.
I left a cheeto on everyone's car trailing to the house i'm at, hanzel and gretel style.
I made a drinking game out of watching your DUI video, everytime you say " okay, well thats just your opinion"
Im going home to examine my vagina with a hand mirror. wish me luck.
Don't let the fact that shes seen my penis discourage you
I have a feeling she doesn't appreciate me as a person. She only fucks me because I look like Harry Potter.
I'm not asking you to commit. I'm politely asking your penis to be my friend.
Well we were going to compare notes, but all I could remember was throwing up, and all she could remember was kissing, so then we decided to not compare anything.
we def had a heart to heart that turned into a BJ last night
It's like God tapped him on the shoulder and said "You are now capable of giving world shattering, tear jerking head."
I saw seagulls fucking earlier today. What have you done with your life recently?
I'm sitting here with a band aid on my labia, this is a first
In the last 2 hours I managed to have romantic starlit sex on the beach as the tide came in with not only just a gorgeous man, but one who happens to be Eastern European and finishing Harvard law school.
Oh wow. I want to be you right now.
Randomize
