her name is jenna, so i wanna cunt punt her
that's how i am about ashleys and britneys
You litterally reached into some girls shirt, pulled out her tit and yelled whats up with this guy.
I picked my nose. Flicked it. I heard it hit something. Next thing I know, it's floating around in my wine glass.
I DON'T CARE WHAT THE CIRCUMSTANCES ARE NEVER VOMIT IN MY PURSE AGAIN.
so, she was so drunk she tried stabbing me with a corn dog stick
I literally have a bandage on my dick that's how bad she is at handjobs
When we were fucking he said and I quote "we're like a sex fajita"
Someone just walked into the bar with a pillow
I don't know whether to judge him or give him a high five
Nah, just ran around, pinned random men to walls, bit their lips of and booked it.
I don't know if I should feel proud or ashamed of myself...ashamed for making myself a drink at 6:15am or proud for actually being awake that early.
she said she just "wanted a guy who she could cook breakfast for". HUGE MISTAKE. I'm never leaving
SKIIIIIIIIIIII, trip mo foes! Let-ith the epic- ness begin ith. Heroes go forth, nAy Sayers fuckin die. This is for the good of mankind! See you on the morrow
Apologies to the number who did not expect to get this but certainly be jealous of us.
so, i guess i gotta chill on showing up to work hungover... someone anonymously left a bible in my work mailbox (no one else got one)
Only thing I have going for me is jacking off, weed, and saturdays
You showed up at 4 am holding a beer and wearing a wig you apparently found in the dumpster.
That explains some things...
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