I'll pay for our taxi if you let me makeout with the drummer and we don't leave RIGHT when the bassist does.
just peed in the tub, threw it on Megan.. she threw more back, I got out and threw toilet water on her.. forecast for tomorrow? pink eye.
He proposed that we "bone". I've completely given up on boys.
Tis a story best told in person, it involves a golf course, police and vomit
It usually does with you
Howd you meet this guy?
I found him next to my pants on sunday morn.
So im on with some ukrainian stripper for a vodka tasting tomorrow. If I die tell my family im awesome
Don't lose. A little bit of my soul dies every time a beer pong game is lost.
I like how he had to correct himself in stating that I was the fat one in the threesome.
Woman at starbucks on her computer with a garbage bag of popcorn and a bottle of lotion. Where are you coming from?!
Your resume just got faxed, I also modified it a bit and sent it to strip clubs...expect weird phone calls...
Is it normal that every guy I hook up with tells me my hair is sexy as it's happening? Like that can't be normal
Why even have a ground level apt if you're not gonna let me climb out the window? I hate walk of shaming in front of toddlers...
Brought some lesbians back to the light side of the force
I'm just waking up. I awoke in a towel (I must have showered at some point),i also found a half eaten McChicken in my bed and vomit in the toilet. Seems like I'm winning at life
Its like Gods punishment for wanting to party
Randomize
