The bar is filled with bros right now. Sucks I had to pay $5 to find that out.
i just puked in front of my entire floor a girl on crutches asked iof i needed help hahaaa fuck ima damn fool
i'm starting to get pissed at how pandora is trying to force coldplay on me
what do kids with lesbian moms do for father's day? like do you talk about it? is it awkward? do you get the butchy mom a card?
Oh and apparently TSA has to open your present from my family or the terrorists win
literally. a puddle of blood. on the floor. still searching for the source
Tell him next time im gonna be "disgrace to the family" drunk
Yehhhaaww I'm way ahead of you. I'm gunna get her a card that says " I'm sorry your now ex boyfriend decided to upgrade"
Why do I have a missed call from "The Anaconda" ?
YES. YOU ARE GOING TO HAVE SEX WITH ME WHILE I SING LES MIS.
That's what every 12 year old basketball team needs; a drunk and hungover lady eating KD whilst cheering them on. Highlight of their lives.
I was just hotboxing under my sheets and I got lost on the way out.
It was so scary.
Why is it pressure? I want to see your cute face and possibly sit on it. You make it like its a bad thing.
If ur gunna go fuck a guy that's in the baseball hall of fame do you need to shave your legs? I'm so lazy
This whole brainwashing thing is easy!
Randomize
