he would probably call me "ma'am" when he's inside me. people love saying weird shit inside me.
walking through the french quarter. a homeless guy just offered me a pigeon. gotta love new orleans.
At the miami airport. Don't know if it's all the tequila I drank in cozumel or the 5 year olds french accent but I might puke.
I might not be able to enter cuba but that doesn't mean that a cuban can't enter me
Is my lip ring still in your hair?
I don't care. I'll text you about my butthole whenever I please. That's what you signed up for in this relationship.
I was ok with it until you started yelling " just the tip!" I know she's you gf but don't backseat drive the three-way.
Dude you asked your tattoo if it wanted to go swimming
Sometimes i like to think we arent living together next year and that im living with models that like to experiment but you ruin that fantasy time and time again
There is a man playing a trumpet at this brunch and I hate life. Too hungover for this. Send help ASAP.
Ok so I didn't mean for his first impression of me to be lying face down on his roommates bedrooms floor throwing up my jäger but it happened. Atleast my ass looked good in those jeans. Think I still have a shot?
I don't care how hot she was. She didn't like Scooby Doo and I don't fuck with that.
She grabbed a $20 bill out of my hand, calling it a lap dance coupon and then she dragged me into her bedroom. I think I’m in love
Its pretty bad when you can tell twins apart by the size of their penises...
hey i'm sure you are probably asleep bc you suck and think sleep is necessary to live or something?
Randomize
