so, totally just picked up a pack of red bull, and some magnum condoms and the old woman at the register's tone went from "hi blah how are you" to "oh....how YOU DOIN'?" she knew what was up
she said i have a nice penis, i told her only bob saget and god could judge that.
We may have a problem that even dr. phil cant solve
four days late. damn you, makeup sex. you win again.
After giving the pizza guy directions you told him to look for the big stupid looking kid outside in purple
The last thing I remember is funneling tequila out of a pink noodle.
I showed remarkable dignity in such a compromising situation. Except I came off as sort of a blue ball giver.
Well I just walked into a wedding reception and im currently eating a cannoli in the men's room while pissing
I gave him my yeast infection. HOW THE FUCK DOES THAT EVEN WORK?
He brought her home and fucked her in a gingerbread man costume in a cardboard rapunzel castle. He had a pretty good night.
sending him nudies in gran's hospital bathroom. you?
I DONT WANT YOUR DICK. I WANT BRUNCH.
I'VE LOST MY DIGNITY, MY PRIDE, AND EVEN MY BOOTY CALL. HAPPY THANKSGIVING.
I just don't understand why your parents aren't supporting your dreams of being a medieval weapon smith.
Listen, i know this is weird for you, but as your fuck buddy, id prefer if you didnt fuck her.
Youre asking too much from me
Randomize
