We're playing Edward Bottle-of-eight-dollar-sale-wine-hands now
you started texting yourself and saying they were "divine messages from heaven" then you threw up on stacie's piano.
oh awks just saw the head of medical staff who I punched the bottle of wine at
Taped crackers to the wall. Sat I'n the dryer. Bobby had to pull me out by my hair. No more.
I feel like we should at least be hungover if we're gonna be this grown up.
Dude where are you? I've been here an hour and all I've done is get head from a random in the stairwell.
We broke into her grandpa's pool at 2 am and I held my underwear out the window on the way home.
Is she okay?
She may want to issue revenge punches, but medically fine.
With great boredom comes great irresponsibility.
Please tell me you're not on their roof again..
I'm not winning any crowns in the Miss Emotionally Stable pageant either...
I didn't even get crazy off of the coke so everything's fine. Also, I think I might have killed my aunt's dog..
I need a fucking roommate.
You need a fucking babysitter.
Too hungover to brush my teeth. took a swig of menthol schnapps instead. lazy or incredibly efficient?
Youre my hero
You poured all their beer into ziploc baggies so it would be "better on the go"
What's a really polite way of saying "you have gravely overestimated the value of your vagina?"
Randomize
