Currently looking for a new liver on ebay. Struggle.
is it too early in the day to continue our conversation about penis shapes?
all I heard when I woke up this morning was "BONG HITS FOR BREAKFAST" being yelled repeatedly.
i wasn't going to tell her about the threesome but i had to explain the tree and the green paint everywhere
he told me he didn't know whether he was gonna puke, pass out, or cum. i don't know if i should be flattered or offended.
I'm starting to think my role in the world is to inject batshit crazy, mentally unbalanced chicks with a dose of normal sperm.
There was a half eaten cheeseburger on my coffee table. Guess I made it to McDonald's.
Yknow what, if there is a thug life for white bitches, I'm living it. I went out on a date, watched howls moving castle with my brother till he passed out, then went and got some a+ dick, and made it home in time to take my mom to work. Now its 7am, I'm in bed with some free tacos, and when I'm done eating I'm going to sleep. What a great night.
I'm stoned as hell watching the new Star Trek movie. My life is 110% better than it was an hour ago.
I'm gonna take a crap in the portashitter like a civilized human being.
I'm hungover during 4th grade graduation practice. I AM THEIR FUTURE.
So, Cheetos don't microwave great.
We need to catch up immediately. I took ecstasy and made out with carrot face this weekend.
Seeing my ex post concert Snapchat videos as an Instagram really reinforces that I made the right choice...
Nothing says Happy Thanksgiving like running into your ex boyfriend at the liquor store at 3 in the afternoon.
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