Nah got too drunk to function...probably could have dragged something home over my shoulder if the cops didn't roll
i really wish facebook had an app for when you are looking at a chick's photo album, you could just skip to the ones where she and/or her friends are dressed like skanks
you got kicked out last night because right after you said "whats up?" to us, you downed your whole vodka ton and threw it across the bar.
I'm trapped in whichever ring of hell is populated by inbred yokels and type 2 diabetes.
Sundays have taken on a whole new meaning when I'm not in bed with an excruciating hangover.
The rest of us are chipping in to soundproof your bedroom. This is getting ridiculous.
1 tequila 2 tequila 3 tequila, floor.
*roof
crossing my fingers that hitting golf balls off my pourch was a dream and not something that actaculy happened
So what's the moral standing on reading gay porn on your phone whilst sitting next to your 87 year old Grandma?
I just smoked a bowl alone and took my Zyrtec here's to a full night.
I need you to ship me a penis cookie care package.
The moment when you go to plug in someone else's phone in your car and your lube is in the way. Don't mind that it's just my center console car lube. Normal.
You know you're out of shape when you're sore after masturbating.
fucked one of the teachers, librarian job's going great
I didn’t want a minivan, but I have to admit it’s made it a lot easier to hook up with the dilfs at soccer tournaments
Randomize
