Smith looks like a guy that goes on a lot of first dates
I sat a few seats down and one row behind a cute girl at the Cubs game today. Having watched her talk to the guy next to her, I found out only her name and age. I then used that information and pieced it together with over 500 girls on Facebook with the same name. I found the same girl, and we're now fbook friends.
if being a creepy fuck was an olympic sport, they'd think you were using performance enhancing drugs...
Just saw a bouncer shoot a stripper with a squirt gun. He looked at me n said,"gotta keep em in check." I'm in love with this place
Sorry I had passed out by this time I think, with the chicken fingers ON my face in my bed, with all the lights on, and ketchup all over.
successfully started a charcoal grill with 2 shots of everclear and some aluminum foil. i never wanna leave here
Nothing like a $37 iTunes bill. Jesus Christ do you know how many $2 beer/shot specials that is??? The answer is 16. 16 beer/shot specials.
His rich uncle has six months to live. I feel pregnant.
Maybe STDs were invented to keep stupid people from having kids.
I think Vodka is my favorite. Everything else ties for second.
Dude. Yeah. This is a game changer. I feel dirty and possibly pregnant and it hasn't happened yet.
Did you seriously just hashtag my sex life as #yolo2013?
He seems like a super lonely dude. I bet if I gave him a picture of my tits he wouldn't make me turn in this paper.
I thought I'd never say this, but if I had to choose between these cookies and sex, it would be these cookies
Same encounter she body slammed me to the floor and than humped me
Remember how I made that resolution to remain celibate for 6 months? Well, I just broke that
You literally made that 4 hours ago...
Randomize
