im at a bar with my dad last night and he got hit on more that I did
My T9 Word has dryhumped saved but I can't even get it to figure out bbq.
I just saw a girl walking home wearing a tshirt, boxers, and cowboy boots. Thanks for having the decency to drive me to my car.
Talk about awkward... Just went to dinner with my mother and realized I fucked our waiter the night before. She HAD to see the looks he was giving me!
There's a naked kid on the floor on your side of the bed. Don't freak out when you wake up. I think we need to fix the lock on the door...
bro im too drunk for your spanish code words. did you fuck her or not.
Don't worry, your car is safe with me. I am throwing watermelons out of it at mailboxes and hipster kids.
we are out of drugs. and patience. please bring former.
I never imagine I'd say this, but can I ask Jeff for the butt plugs back even though it was a gift and we broke up?
Sex in a tree, bucket list CHECK!
He said watch this and then went and tripped into a group of 40 year old women, now he's leaving the club with them.
I'm both gender and math confused
I mean, I want you to have freaky orgasmic fun to entertain me, but I don’t want you to risk HIV or car crashes
raging hangover at work with a lunchable dreaming of the sex ill never have. my life is perfect.
Etiquette question... How do you tell your mother that her nipple is out in her fb profile picture?
Randomize
