can you sing with all the voices of the mountain? can you paint with al the colors of the windddd
wasted?
im pocohantasssss
First date. He's wearing a tuxedo shirt and keeps asking me about our future children. Escape plan #3 is now in action...
i almost burnt down an apartment complex. little busy, get back to you later
I guess on the plus side everyone really, really enjoyed my nipple clamps
Just woke up bloody and clutching a rear view mirror I'm pretty sure is from my car. For those of you keeping score at home this is why I stopped drinking four loko.
I am never taking advice from you again. The high heels in the shower were a bad idea. I orgasmed and almost drowned.
Aw lol. Sounds like my masturbation injury last year
I told the bartender that he could give me back the tip I gave him if he outsmarted me in a battle of wits. He has yet to challenge me.
I was thinking about getting her an edible arrangement for an engagement gift. You want in?
I'm buying her a drink and not telling her to dump his ass. that's my gift.
He brought wine and beer. I'll put my pants on for wine and beer.
My friends son got stung by a jellyfish over the weekend and we seriously stood there debating on whether or not we should pee on this toddler.
I stole an accordion from the bar
Accidentally
I'm having ragrets about stealing the accordion
She's one of those people who could be either 16 or 23. In which case she's too old for me or in dangerously jailbait territory for you, bro.
We were too tired to finish having sex so we just stopped to eat the cheesecake and passed out. I didn't mind
Its like people have to train for months before they try and drink with us and survive...
Randomize
