If a girl drunk dials you she's at least entertained the idea of sleeping w/ you correct?
YES
so then you didnt wanna fuck tonight right?
oops, you werent supposed to get that until you left.
i got us presents. or arrested. we shall see!
Don't judge me. It was less weird than it sounds when we were in the moment and it was his birthday
it's pretty bad when you go in bed bath and beyond and recognize 6 different bed spreads you've had sex on
Hey so summary of last night. I threw up in a rain boot then tipped it over on my bed, did my laundry and passed the fuck out. I feel like I didn't see you.
The walk home from the bar is FAR more shameful in daylight.
YOU ARE THE WORST TRAVEL AGENT! THIS IS A SINGLES CRUSE FOR SENIORS. THEY ALL THINK IM THE FUCKING WAITRESS JUST CAUSE IM BLACK!!!
he has a party story that rivals our "PTSD- soldier-with-a-knife" party story. I'm pretty sure this is part of some prophecy.
I hope you get eaten by satanic starfish.
I'm so glad you support me having casual sex with your uncle
Says the girl who left her friends to go have phone sex in the bathroom at Michael's
I just woke up drenched in beer, in a puddle of beer, and cuddling a bottle of tequila
Does it get any better than dating a guy with a vasectomy? The answer is NO. No it does not
God dammit everything I said last night about jungle juice being awesome just does not carry over into the next day
Randomize
