just watched an entire episode so you think you can dance for head. so wasn't worth it
I wish they had a "No Yankees" filter on status updates.
I can hear my fat mexican neighbor yelling "do you like that!" ...I hope its not his dog
she hid the dish soap because she was afraid someone would confuse it with the margaritas and drink it instead. her reasoning was "theyre both soo pink...i cant tell them apart"
He didn't dress up but kept finding random pieces of costumes on the floor at each club. He was an 80s hair band warrior at the end of the night.
She kept sniffing my sweater and tried to guess what type of detergent I use.
Sat in the shower and reenacted the "Wiggle your big toe" scene from Kill Bill. THAT hungover.
Thanks for letting me use your ID, there's $120 along with your ID in the mail to cover the Urinating in public fine I got last night....sorry
I will no longer accept nudes from you because I met your boyfriend last night and he seems like a nice guy
I'm literally taking a shit naked holding a bottle of wine.
I can't decide if I'm depressed or if this is just what life without a bidet feels like.
Can you tell me why Star Wars Burlesque is pulled up on my phone from last night?
The other day, he sent me a snapchat of his dick in the forest. He captioned it "nature nudes."
Talked a police officer into driving us the 1/2 mile home from the bars because we didn't want to walk. I never knew the back of cop Cars had plastic seats.
My dad called me in the middle of the night, drunk on vodka, asking for references on the Irish alphabet.
Randomize
