Best news ive heard all week. The cougars r coming! The cougars are coming!
When he was fingering me, it felt/looked like he was digging around for pocket change.
I bruised his dick. I bruised his dick WITH MY MOUTH!! I've never felt more accomplished.
Don't byou dare ruin egg salad by putting your penis in it that would be so sad.
Gonna bang his former student. Clearly I am winning this breakup.
I'm going to make a mold of my tits to bake a cake for him for our anniversary.. I can see the pride in his eyes now.
I'm ordering a large vanilla ice cream with rainbow sprinkles so when I vom tonight it will look like lisa frank dolphins in acid trip colors
I'm sure it's not the worst thing to ever come out of my ass
MAN I GOT NO SLEEP AND HAD A BREAKFAST OF SKITTLES AND ASPIRIN. I'M LIVING THE LIFE.
I think we need to stage an Intervention. Her Instagram is a call for help.
Nothing like coming home and finding the nearly full bottle of fireball you forgot you had stashed before your trip
It's the little things
I’m almost positive this girl is drinking a mojito in class right now, if so she’s my new hero
Dude the little bong I just got fits nicely in the cup holder in my car. The gods approve of my habits.
Why were u walkin around mc with a toilet bowl lid handcuffed to u and carrying a stuffed Teddy bear last night?
The career specialist read an Onion article to us. Please send help.
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