We walked 2 miles, legit 2 miles, and purchased 7 half gallons. One for each of us. Intense
Just so you know, I have a bf.
I guess as long as you bring single girls over and cook cannolis you will still be useful.
a slip n slide in 50degree weather was the 2nd dumbest thing i have ever done. the 1st was hitting the wooden fence i believed was supposed to "help us stop"
Just puked on the beach. Hungover. In front of my parents. I love summer.
all of the sudden, the other guy at the bar who was celebrating his birthday got a super inspired look on his face and then screamed at me ''our parents fucked on the same day!''
You called him your tasty little crouton. Which actually wasn't the weirdest part.
And really all I wanted was to be like "hey can I borrow your dick for a few hours this weekend?"
This guy on the bus keeps leaning over and sniffing my hair.
A baby just tried to pull out his mom's huge tits at work today and nearly succeeded. I was silently cheering for the little guy.
these are times I'm glad I'm Jewish because the Torah is just like "drink, eat, and fuck"
We found Mulan.
I thought you were in bed what the hell
She sent me a pic wearing only my batman cape. She stole my cape dude!
Do you remember whose house we're in?
yknow last night was like... the third night in a row alex woke me up to make sure i wasn't dead and tbh it's sorta sweet.
Ewe he just snapped me a pic of his butt crack.. Should I be concerned?
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