speaking of unleashing monsters, we need to get condoms
you know i think I know why you are single...because you are real cute but then you open your mouth and let words come out and all goes to hell.
i checked my sent messages this morning and i had apparently tried to text the bar, saying "idk what i drank, do you?"
She was raised with a wonderful home life. I can't do anything with that.
someone left their shoes, a resume, and a pizza in the shower... i am actually speechless
I can't wait to find out the true size of his penis! Please maintain enough sobriety for an accurate report.
I'm hoping he'll tell everyone how great in bed I am. Well, how great in bathroom floor I am.
His fucking was so lame I considered painting my nails during...
Juss got out of jail; shes still in there tryin to sing her abc's backwards bc the cops neva asked her too... Whebever she gets to t she starts singin the tequilla song
I woke up this morning to my house being turned into a bad European dance club at 8:30am. Do you know what "UNS UNS UNS" sounds like at 8:30am? Murder. It sounds like murder.
Just found a condom on my floor from last weekend. 2/2. The scavenger hunt is over.
Some guy is in my phone as Pat McAwesome.
Reason # 294827284949272 i could never be a cop. I would just shoot. All the time. Ppl. Animals. Inanimate objects. Air.
Funny you say that, I just sold my stripper pole to my mom tonight...
Never has jello made me angry to the point of drinking. But here I am.
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