her name is jenna, so i wanna cunt punt her
that's how i am about ashleys and britneys
i'm so high that my cigarette just tasted like chef boyardee. no lie.
i havent had this much fun since the last time i farted and it created a boner.
and i had to drink on "never have i ever unsuccessfully tried to seduce a virgin ginger"
dude, i have to cancel tonight, my neighbor just bought a goat
I forgot how few teeth there are in this state...
He kept spanking me and talking about biomedical science.
Aw, you fucked a pre-med? you're moving up in the world!
By the end of the cruise, there was literally nothing in our room he hadn't peed on.
Yo I tried to get u stoned for ur dreams by blowing weed smoke in ur face while u slept. Ur welcome.
I mean, once you get beat with a dildo you can't look at someone the same
Figured out why that fly won't leave. It keeps buzzing through my weed smoke
Fly high, Fly.
I told her I was going to masterbate myself into a coma... We have another date on Thursday.
You wrapped yourself in tin-foil and told us you were Iron Man. I have pictures.
Well I thought I saw everything and then I saw Christmas themed poop bags at Petco.
He ate me out in the warehouse on a pallet of sunlight soap. I fucking love night shift!
Randomize
