If Andre Agassi did Crystal Meth, what was John McEnroe doing?
Ok so the guy below me is either having sex very loudly or is very lonely
i just realized that the oil change sticker on my windshield is a day before the last time i had sex. I've driven exactly 10500 miles since.
you need to get laid.. and an oil change.
my dad just told me he wants a furry wall in the house... i'm proud and concerned
You "were" hungover, which is past tense. So that gives you no excuse not to go out tonight.
This is davidson friend mat i an drunk. Thank you for having a physical relationship. With David. I bet he gas a penis the size of an elephant tusk. You are a lucky lady.
Ended up at a lesbian bar and almost got stabbed in the eye with a dart. Weirdest bachelor party ever.
I told him he was, quote: "A big cuddly bear" and he needed to get into my bed or I would set his Golden Retriever free.
I keep looking at his nude pics and crying because ill never see it in person again.
I suggest absurd amounts of masturbation this weekend to build up the necessary calluses
I just traded ecstasy for trapeze lessons...you in?
Am I a bad person for getting my ex to DD me and a random hookup home last night?
Hey. Im sorry to bother you but I just watched the seinfield episode about faking an orgasm and it caused me to second guess myself. Were you satisfied?
I had sex with him for the first time drunk, dressed in a toddler overall tutu costume, at 2pm. Horrible start.
I feel like I don't even know what's gonna happen when we first see each other. It'll be like explosions and glitter and a unicorn will run by pulling a sleigh of alcohol and sex.
Randomize
