I wish i was in the wii world.
they started a semi-successful rumor that toby keith died. who says fraternities don't have goals
Just asked my dog if he was proud of me for making it home. That drunk.
After she lost the bet I made her get on one knee so she could "Te-blow me"
i've been lying on top of my bed for the past 20 minutes
i'm about to blow half an adderall though and try to rally
Eating cold pizza and drinking a beer for breakfast while standing in a hotel window naked is how I say hello September...
What part of "he tried to put his dick in my ear" did you not understand??
There is a glee sing along. It's on random and they know them all. Like, the specific glee timings and pauses. I need to leave. I need to escape
Someone just knocked jenga into a plate of cake. I'm licking off each piece one by one.
I took a cab from the club to the grocery store. I needed peanut butter.
still not dressed at 5:00, jacking off watching men's figure skating and hoping my weird roommate doesn't walk in. anybody who says idk how to have fun is wrong
I don't think anything is more terrifying than the thought that you might shit your pants in front of your boss
The fact that I made out with a twenty one year old father is kind of worrying me now. Like. This is exactly what I wasn't supposed to do in life.
You can accomplish quite a bit with a can do attitude and a well placed ice cube.
Ugh. All the good hoes are in their third trimester.
Randomize
