Courtney? Is that you? I have pictures of this very same night.
Just had to reach into my sister's bag and shut off her vibrator so my parents wouldn't hear it. I am the world's greatest brother.
i just peed in a port a potty and wiped with my credit card statement. fuck yeah!
It took him longer to remove his skinny jeans than it did for him to finish. I didn't even have time to realize it sucked until it was already over.
new rule: i'm not touching his penis until he takes me out to dinner.
you know, if you actually abided by that rule there would be many more successful restauranteurs in ohio.
Whatever dude, I don't feel bad about it. If my girlfriend finds out even SHE should give me a high five. That bitch was fine
do you have any idea how hard it is to keep a boner while another dude is writing on your dick in sharpie?
there's chocolate cake in my bathtub.. I don't even want to know how the hell chocolate cake wound up in my tub..
He came so hard he burst a blood vessel in his eye. Do I have to take him to the ER? because I'm too tired for this shit.
Unless you're gonna start buying my underwear, you have got to stop ripping it off of me.
Promise me you will not let me do anything sexual with or to a mini horse no matter how drunk we get. Ever.
Nothing more awkward that being butt ass naked in a guys bed and his ex wife shows up with his kid....
Lol woke up with mangoes in bed with me
How can I prove that I give 401k advice and not handjobs?
I'm not fucking you with a Stormtrooper helmet on!
Randomize
