i'm at a baby shower....never been happier to not be having sex currently
got extra credit for showing up to class before a holiday. it hit me 5 minutes later that she meant easter....
Who knew that one of those cheesy light up equalizer shirts would be the light that all those drunk college girls gathered like moths around?
i figured out i could get from the downstairs bar to the upstairs bar AND grab pizza by going through the kitchen. it was the greatest discovery of my life besides the flabongo.
They put 3 tbs of cinnamon in vodka shots and called it the "cinnamon death challenge"
Circle jerk is a real thing. It looks like five innocent virgins in a closet at my brother's bar mitzvah. Yeah, I walked in on that.
How dare you question the sanctity of Chocolate-and-Porn day
I think girls have an advantage in chugging contests. We know how to just open our throats.
I'm going to get high and eat ice cream until the pain goes away. You're welcome to join.
Somehow i instagrammed my acceptance letter while blacked out. Then my grandma was the first to comment on it. I got over 50 likes....Phd here I come....
Just paid for my STD meds using a giftcard I got for Christmas. Thanks mom.
Dude, who WASN'T thinking of motorboating her?
I didn't even know his name until he texted me the next day and told me I should take a plan B pill. Thanks Danny.
The next time you invite me out to a bar full of cougars warn me first. I never felt like a piece of meat before.
at one point, you reached into your purse, pulled out a tampon, and proceeded to rub it on your lips like chapstick... that drunk
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