i stole $50 bucks from my girlfriends purse to pay for my other girls abortion pill...shes gonna be pissed
4 maple syrup blunts. Decided to sit on my roof and count the snowflakes that landed on my tongue. 84.
It was ok at first, but now im getting freaked out by him jerking off to me doing yoga
tell me why there is a bowl of oatmeal from starbucks in my purse
Rent Disney Oceans. Smoke a bowl. Fast forward to the seal section. Then call me.
Just got a picture message from my sister of the two of us wearing cowboy hats and pressing our bare asses together. Do you remember enough to explain?
Yea I saw a friend of yours carrying your limp body somewhere
The least you could do is send me some gibberish so I know you're alive.
Fuhga
Thank you.
Its like he woke the dragon, and the dragon is hungry for a good dick.
Dude, did you fall in a toilet on the way over here?
Was face down in one actually. Bars 2, Drew 0.
Everyone's impressed that I actually got pee all over his car since I'm a girl and they're a little curious..
You were making out w/ur brothers coach against a door when someone opened it and you both fell through... Then you continued to make out on the ground
The comfort of this onesie is keeping me single
My life has come down to me literally sitting on an uncrustables trying to defrost it because I’m drunk alone and hungry.
I a very close black and white picture of my slightly erect penis and I blew it up put it in an art gallery for a show coming up and somebody bought it for 30 Grand!!!
Randomize
