i either bought an eighteen year old girl or i'm engaged to her... i'm not quite sure
batman tramp stamp. Dibs.
Still at the library. i hate tax accounting so much that i've started calling it potions...
Just got walked in on while fucking in the lounge in the performing arts building. The janitors gave us five minutes to leave and applauded our exit
I gotta say, I do way better with the ladies than I do the men. So if it turns out being gay is a choice, then I'm going to go ahead and choose it.
I keep jumping up and down in front of the mirror naked. The only motivation I would be to stop and put clothes on is if you come over. Hurry.
hey, being drunk and dumb is my thing. Don't take that away from me.
I JUST HAD A FLASH MEMORY OF DOING A SHOT OF WHISKEY WITH MY BEER YOU WERE SUPPOSED TO PUNCH ME IN THE FACE TO PREVENT THAT FROM HAPPENING.
I jumped out of a moving car going sixty into my driveway because I had to shit so bad. It is not a good day today.
Sounds like either a very good Friday night or a very bad Saturday morning.
Gary just stuck his dick in his Guinness. I can't even make this up
I made out with that lesbian chick for a blunt. NO REGRETS.
You fell while talking to a cop, then proceeded to acuse him of tripping you... he was arresting you for public intox.
So some guy thought I took second place in a male stripper competition
Last night was fun. Sorry I slipped out before you woke up
Also, your parents get up REALLY early. Please thank them for the bagel and travel mug of coffee. Happy Thanksgiving!
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