Nice meating you last night
Not a typo
no, i dont want the owner to like me bc i dedazzled my vagina
we did anal to Party In The USA and he busted to Firefies .. felt like we were fucking in a middle school dance
please tell me i can get drunk off sparkling grape juice. even if you have to lie, please say yes.
Sorry if I put you in that 'glad we're hanging out but I'm gonna go fuck your cousin' kind of position
You get to be the grown up. Leave a ciabatta by his face.
Can we go out and do something semi fancy soon? I feel like wearing a dress and pretending to be an adult.
The drunk mom in a firefighter hat just told her to leave.
Winning the lottery was the best thing that ever happened to my penis.
Greatest pickup line ever: "We are out celebrating winning the lottery."
Got drunk and passed out flintstone vitamins to everyone at the bar. I'm just so god damn motherly
yeah well, its not like my astrogynecology class is teaching me what i need to know
im almost 90% sure there is no such thing as astrogynecology.
New life goal: fuck in the shopping cart
For a girl who cried from fear the last time she was asked out, this. Is. TERRIFYING!
I mean go ahead and let your freak flag fly but if you could not fly it in my bed that would be great
he's the kind of guy you give a fake number to and he still finds out your real number anyway...
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