I would wrestle an alligator for a bj right now
watching jon and kate + 8 right now is like watching my parents split up
He was legit dry humping me to the sportscenter theme song, awkward i think SO.
She tried to keep her legs crossed last night while doing a keg stand. Way to keep it classy.
you only had a canadian ten, but you said it was all good cuz you would just by molson.
We started hooking up and a group of freshmen outside my window started chanting my name. Encouraging yet distracting
I realized I'm gonna have to fit cheating on my gf, sleeping with my gf and having dinner with her parents all into one Sunday evening
Challenge: Try to have your balls hanging out in every picture you take tonight
Challenge Accepted
He looks like he's going to feed me a taco and then stab me. It's probably a good idea he's a lawyer
Bone him for me, BONE HIM TWICE FOR ME.
Whenever I think to myself, "I don't work for a bunch of hours"... It's shot time?
I forgot to ask you how long you're housesitting. By which I mean how many bones can I get in averaging 2.5 bones per day.
20.
But now he's gone and I'm exhausted and my vagina is yelling at me and I want a cheeseburger
I feel like people expect me to always be a sarcastic, shade throwing drunk. And you know me, I hate to disappoint.
Do you think if I explain to her I want to have loud, unprotected sex with her sister she'll understand?
Randomize
