A little boy walked by his parents room one night, looked through the keyhole, and said "and that bitch tells me to stop sucking my thumb!"
Where the fuck is Rob at, he hasnt answered his phone in like 2 weeks.
Dude Rob died 2 weeks ago wtf?
Holy shit r u serious? How?
Just kidding, but im pretty sure he boned your gf and doesnt want to talk to you.
Me hooking up with her is like rush being president. Bad news.
margarita wednesday is really going to dip into new year's eve thursday
already putting money aside for 4/20. you ready for the greatest tuesday ever?
It's really awkward/depressing when you are wearing heels larger than his dick
I'm gonna need a helmet and adult supervision by 9...
i just won "most creative" category in the condom contest in human sexuality by licking it onto a cucumber. my feedback forms included three phone numbers, one with a Magnum XL taped to it
I just did the math, I've had 8 hours of sleep in the last 3 days. Not sure if that means I am dedicated to my sex life or my job...
I somehow ended up with a bottle of red wine in one hand and white in the other and would drink them at the same time. Ruined
Then I hope you find a set of extremely intelligent, flexible triplets in the ethnicity of your choice.
That is the nicest thing anyone has ever wished for me
How could you not respond to a text containing the words "goat man" ?!?
I had a face to face conversation with her vagina, asking it not to make me look bad.
Cocaine bath bombs are a really bad idea
Imma make him fuck me with my jersey on tonight while I chant Go Jets Go. Gotta love playoff hockey szn.
Randomize
