would really like to know how the teddy bear got super glued to my testicles.
We had phone sex and he came in his sink. i will never eat off one of his plates again
I just had a flashback of 4:30am: me hugging the toilet bowl and you handing me a jar of pickles to open. There is something seriously wrong with us.
Don't byou dare ruin egg salad by putting your penis in it that would be so sad.
After we fucked he shhhh'd me and said your welcome
My love will cover her like lulu lemon yoga pants. Casually supportive and always complimenting your Ass.
If you loved me you'd bring cheese fries and a condom
I think I need a restraining order. I had 15 "selfies" of him on my camera roll......my phone has a lock code on it.
Im wearing a bra. Made of paint.
It's statistically impossible for there not to be at least one guy sexting you right now
I had to ask him for a dick pic. Do you know how refreshing that was?
guy at the bar just asked how many cows we have on our land, then proceeds to ask me out. you know your from the country when....
If people had ratings on Tinder I'd give you 5 out of 5 stars.
Drunk on wine at my parents house watching "RugRats In Paris". Comeatmeadulthood.
Third time this week I've caught co workers dry humping. Quarantine really changes people's priorities.
Randomize
