so high i just made my own version of grilled cheese using toast and spray cheese
here comes the puke
she fell through a window trying to flash someone
Need help. Super baked. Stuck on couch. Dying of thirst. Bring paint thinner or something to pry me off. Only thumbs and neck work.
I have stripper ass cheeks all over my glasses
my professor saw me buying beer for the super bowl and said go patriots. thats how i know im getting an A in his class.
I want to get so drunk, you will need subtitles to understand me. Rough week.
So in Aca Taco on grad night 1am, this bitch walks in alone drunk as fuck in her gown to the front of the line and says, "I graduated today...thank YOU"
We got really stoned and then we fucked. Then he made me a panini.
Oooh, he sounds pretty classy
Actually, not at all. We were stoned so he made me a peanut butter panini. With a Rollo in the middle of it. And he left the panini press on all night. I could have died.
I have a boner in one of my pics with her which no one noticed.
You can't just walk around stealing hats from drunk boys and peeing in bathtubs. Turn down.
I spilled a whole plate of queso and salsa on my bed so I'm just eating it off my sheets with chips. How's your night going?
Definitely the only person to buy 2 handles a 2 bottles of champagne & 3 thirties while wearing a fanny pack
Apparently I was directing traffic outside of Keeneland. Apparently I'm not a police officer. Who knew....
its times like this i wish i didnt have a penis
Swear to god, somebody just drove by with mickey mouse in their passenger seat and he waved at me.
Randomize
