The more I sober up, the more sick I am/realize how weird dancing around a wine bottle was
If my vagina had boots, it would be shaking in them.
Now you know why i just sit on the toilet and scream
he told me not to treat him like a child and then started peeing off the trampoline
And all I wanted you to do is stand there and sing who let the dogs out.
The gay viking and his eqyptian 'queen' hooked up on our couches. They pushed them together to make a bed. Innovative, but awkward to come home from work to at 7 am.
We ate our feelings. Then drank our feelings. I feel feminism delivered.
Braid them armpits, sister.
Nothing motivates a person to clean their apartment like puking up cheese ravioli beer-tequila chicken wings for eight hours.
cocks speak louder than words, as they say
Nobody says that.
Moral of the story is go have sex with a foreigner and report back to me.
Opted for cash back rather than the 10% extra I'd get for store credit, solely for drinks tonight.
You're lovely.
He told me to take off work and bring a bathing suit. If this doesn't involve six flags hurricane harbor or sex in a hotel pool I'm going to be disappointed.
I don't know what you slipped me, but my TV is vomming blood right now. Thanks, jerkoff.
Well you could have stayed home, played house and got blow jobs all weekend babe, but we all have to live with our decision
I kicked down a wall in rage and found a door behind the drywall. Once again vandalism solves all my problems.
Randomize
