I want 2 things right now, you or a cig
cig
You're going to have to start masturbating with your left hand. Or with someone's vagina
Done. Eyebrows are waxed, entire body shaved
We must be getting old. All of our friends are having kids and they aren't illegitimate.
All I can tell you is you will need a rain slicker for tonight's festivities. Any clothes underneath would be highly frowned upon as well.
Just made hot dog dorito pasta. It happened.
Woke up in my own bed with a "New Years Eve 2011" bar bracelet on. Both of these things confuse me.
You working tonight?
Keg. Hottub. Wearimnh a 8th graders bikini. Mess
We call it "Dishes: Hard Mode". Basically whoever is doing dishes gets head but needs to finish the dishes before they cum.
And so far nothing been broken!
This is what you sent me from the other side of the pool, "Idk but thers a pool n l wanna get naked take off my trunks ill paddle with my dick"
Lesson: Never rollerskate with a 40 in your hand unless you have a destination.
Fucked her on the patio while some dude drove by on a mower. He waved. Twice.
FYI my mom is sending thanksgiving "samples" of her fancy pot stash for us this weekend. I bring the BEST family leftovers.
I wish I may, I wish I might, get some daddy dick tonight
i guess "never drinking again" is not an option when you invent a whole new level of drunk...
Randomize
