Come home. Im drunk and cutting my own hair. This is bad, i need you.
i saved all my weight watcher points for this alcohol
We dont have to go to dinner or anything gay like that. I just wanna do it.
I absolutely love you.
He just made me a heart out of cocaine... i think i'm in love
You both must have been completely wasted because every once in a while we would hear you both stop and start singing to each other. At one point it was taylor swift.
Just for future reference: milk is NOT a good mixer no matter how drunk you are.
Is it sad I don't want to go buy $1 Mac-n-cheese cause I need to pay rent... I'm re-naming this college.
Also, peanut butter on a spoon dinner is back in existence and it is good.
If we accept the love we think we deserve do we also accept the sex we think we deserve?
Imagine cans of beer raining. Like not hitting you and hurting you. Just gently falling into your hand whenever you're sad
You know you're hung-over when you're smoking and have the strong urge to eat the cigarette. No more buckets of gin. No. More. Ever.
I just want a teacup pet pig so I can take him to parties with me and never have to walk home alone again.
ON A SIMILAR NOTE MY DICK SIZE PSYCHIC SKILLS ARE SO GOOD
I blew him while the canoe was sinking...I think of it as the better version of the titanic
I danced shirtless on a platform with a fucking stripper who went to MIT
Yea she is hot. But she also had no toothpaste in her entire apartment.
Randomize
