is it bad that i shorted Freddie Mac immediatly after I heard about the CFO?
You can only be slapped by Eastern European waitresses so many times. I guess they don't want my huge cock in their iron curtain
It's like my work doesn't even care about margarita mondays.
Hippo gnu deer
I learned 3 things lastnight....1. Turkeys are related to the t-rex. 2. Whales have leg bones cause they used to walk. 3. I will sing drunk in the waffle house, but not during karaoke in the bar
Just heard the words 'Pussy Riot' on NPR...I almost crashed my car.
That commercial was clearly aspirational. I think Arbor Mist would pair nicely with Oscar Meyer
I'm trying to ve beat feiesnd sent.
My dick can't jump between your dick and her mouth, man. It's impossible, I think.
She told me that for every Ravens touchdown, I'd get to come once.
Marry her. Marry her now. I'll help you steal the ring.
Get up, biotch, before I come traipsing in there to rip apart whatever god-forsaken spoon you have going on between the two of you and your dog.
Can you help me get ready before work? I need a look that says I'm-happy-to-help-but-I'm-hungover-so-leave-your-attitude-at-the-door-because-I'm-not-taking-anyone's-shit-today.
Hooked up with a guy dressed as Miss Frizzle last night... Asked if I could ride his Magic School Bus
Yeah! Don't let me leave the house without marijuana and a juicer.
Needless to say, I did not go home with him cause he kinda resembled a guppy fish.
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