You were wearing a sombrero. And a crown. And told me to use the nerf gun to protect your room from the cat. You don't have a cat.
Annihilated within 20 minutes of arriving on Saturday, proceeded to hook up with him half a dozen times/almost have sex in the shed. Later on I text his boyfriend letting him know he's okay and that he's asleep next to me. If I could parlay this skill into a vital component of national security I'd be the Jack Bauer of homewrecking. Diner later?
i kinda want to bang the mythbusters girl... i bet she's got a nice snapper
Glitter + Penis = Best. Idea. Ever.
seriously, i am too high for the omelet station to be playing Being For The Benefit Of Mr Kite at 7am
I HAVE A PRESENT FOR YOU AND ITS NOT MY VAGINA
Babysitting for someone you accidently sent nudies to is so fucking awkward.
Can I just say that you're probably one of my favorite people to have sex with and then eat hummus with at 3:45am?
"Stranger danger aquaman" were the last words i remember. help me.
We were ushered out of Medieval Times by a squire for making out in the torture chamber. Children were present.
Why I hate online dating: not even one day in and a 57 year old asks me to call him "Daddy."
HOCKEY BUTTS AND BASEBALL BUTTS HONESTLY DO SOMETHING TO ME
One door closes, one man cooks for you through the next open door
Hungover. No words. Just memes.
He looks like Aladdin, and that's about all he's got going for him.
Randomize
