he was actually really polite. he asked before he came on my chest because he "wasn't sure my stance on it".
I don't understand how anyone could look at him and think, 'Yeah, that's a good idea.'
I'd just like to give a shout out to jesus and plan b for making this day possible.
im pretty sure this vending machine only exists when im drunk
I'm too afraid that I'm 1. Banned or 2. Gonna be noticed by the lady bouncer I punched.
But Alex is drunk in Philly and I told him to come see me so that's "first-love,-drunk,-high,-and-it's-a-snow-day-hook-up-with-an-ex" points. 69
Chicks, chicks everywhere, and not a drop to drink. Dude, when did real life lesbians get HOT?
I managed to get through my meeting without throwing up in someone else's office, so there's that for an accomplishment today.
Go christen that room with your naked body.
you kept saying how you wanted to mainline bacardi right into your bloodstream. medical school is doing wonderful things to your brain
I am a figure skater. You should know better than to let me get drunk near any patches of ice during Olympics season.
saw a dude wearin soccer cleats at the bar tonight. fuckin kiddin me man?
I feel as though I look like a mom with a substance abuse problem
the guy had "bad bitches only" tattooed above his penis...
I can't take 'get a man' advice from you. You'll stick your penis in a warm banana peel.
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