Non-Jews are for practice
Why would I want to inherit a sex machine used by my grandma?
everyone knows he gets back in a week and after that i'm not sleeping around anymore. it's like i have a expiration date.
And i laid in the yard with carrots on my chest cause i wanted a bunny
I don't care how hungover you are were not listening to enya
hahaha my homeschooled cousin put up graduation pictures. it's just her standing in front of her fire place. With a hand made diploma.
It was like she tried to cover up all the weight she gained with a fake tan...
Not gonna lie i was comfortable between the allsups air conditioners while you were talking to the cop.
Meeting relatives from another state drenched in tequila and smelling of weed. I'm gonna kill you for soaking the only bra I brought in Jose Cuervo Gold.
if I open my eyes, my head will explode. that hungover.
In that state of mind I managed to bounce back from getting hit by a golf cart and convince an investigations officer that I was okay to go into the game.
Well she just asked a sorority girl if she should fuck her floor mate so it's basically like the blind leading the blind
She stopped me mid sex to ask if she could finish my ramen, I've found the one.
you know you’re single when you try to cook yourself a nice pasta dinner but you’re too weak to open the container of sauce and theres no one around to help you
I accidentally stubbed my dick
What does that even mean?
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