Did you just throw up mid-sentence?
She rode me to the beat of Baby Got Back. I swear to god.
I just Organized my jello shots by their colors in my mini fridge for the rest of the week. I'm going places in life.
i just carried on a conversation with my mother from another room mid-ejaculation. you would have done the same
I feel compelled to tell you that I woke up this morning and found an entire corn on the cob in my purse. Ive decided not to question my drunken behavior anymore, and to just accept it as my lifestyle.
I made him recite stats from the playoffs game last night before I would go down on him.
I'm sorry for peeing on your door. But it was your decision to open it.
I don't know how I'm gonna do that tomorrow. I feel like I was hit by the motorhome. LOL I WAS.
They wear helmets and mouth pieces when they drink...u down?
So bored. I think I've expelled every last gram of jizz from my body.
I woke up in your kitchen with my ID in my hand and my nails were painted electric blue. Dude.... never let me have fireball again.
I still can't believe a guy pooped in my backyard
I promise I won't bug you anymore, I just need the following things at your convenience but preferably soon: my earrings, cup, and panties. Thanks. Good talk.
I was in line at Panera when I got the pic you sent to your coworker. I just showed your vag to a soccer mom. The vibrator was a nice touch.
I just racked up a fucking ginormous hospital bill because I came so hard I had an asthma attack
Randomize
