Not a fireman, but good enough for last night.
Dude I just heard my boss singing from the bathroom "I love making poop"
anyone who says 'i love you' and then followed by 'im going to call the cops if you touch me' doesnt really mean the first part fyi
he got his own cum in his own eye. TWICE. how do you make that mistake again?
Wow. Thanks for becoming another fan of something on Facebook. You make me want to gouge my eyes out.
Clothes are such an inconvenience.
I woke up and he had cut my bangs and put makeup on me.
I don't care how good they make you look, you've got to stop sleeping with gay guys.
i just complicated the hell out of my summer by fucking him this early on
dude, apparently i tried to force feed my grandma bananas last night.
Your boyfriends underwear are hanging from my kitchen window. Where the fuck are you?!
I'm right down the road from AJ's old house and I'm getting mixed feelings. My vagina is remembering good dick. But the rest of me is remembering horrible times.
I woke up and my backpack was empty. He used me for sex, and back to school supplies.
he's smothering me... and not in the good, can you move your thigh off my face please?.. way
My brothers dog was hit by a car and died. They're really sad about it.
But they're having a baby! It's like a dog only 40 billion times worse!
woke up with 4 bruises, 2 hickies and a bad case of rug burn. texans are dangerous.
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