OH RELAX, IT WAS PITY SEX.....
Im wearin a dollar bill hat and tgkin a big girl home. Lifi is gmwnd
I think your mom looks like a breed of donkey and elephant, but her boobs are perfect
just threw up nine times in the shower.. solid night last night.
This is the way my sobriety ends: Not with a bang, but with a whimper.
If I buy you $300 worth of popeyes, will that make up for me trashing the house?
Well, I wanted to be you for Halloween but I couldn't fit seven dicks in my mouth.
As an added bonus, you will have a "25 blowjobs a month" voucher, expiring thirty days after the first initial bj.
It's been over a year since we've been get-so-drunk-you-throw-beer-cans-at-fat-girls-drunk together. That needs to change.
It must suffice lest there secretly exist a picture of me walking out of the ocean at midnight naked and half mast with a sea urchin on my ass
And when I feel bad about myself I go to the library and suck my pen over an open book, counting the seconds until a guy sits across from me and tries to get my attention
I’m almost positive this girl is drinking a mojito in class right now, if so she’s my new hero
Meanwhile I'm googling glory holes in Vegas
Just finished 151. Eating nutella off a spoon. Bring condoms.
My lack of taco bell is hindering me from seeing the good part of that situation
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