Remember, sex is not sex til both people cross the finish line. Until then, it is just a favor.
Successful New Year's Eve:: Your first shower of the year is on Jan. 2nd... 'cause you didn't trust yourself to stand up long enough on Jan. 1st. Hello 2010.
I miss the days when all my weekends consisted of were 69 and crunchwraps
We ran out of ice cubes so I used ice cream. Everyone thought that was the plan all along. I just went with it.
I got stood up on a date. They are singing "dancing with myself" on karaoke in my honor.
At this point if I didn't go to work hungover I think the whole place would think something is wrong
Mark just took 50mg Viagra. Tonight should be interesting for the neighbors.
Just had a flashback to Friday. Definitely had my hands in someone's bra. Definitely wasn't mine.
I can't promise that. They just put an extra shot in my margarita.
I'm to the point where I'm fantasizing about Iron Chefs going down on me.
We should just do therapy together, clearly we have all the same issues. It's why we are friends.
Your actions as of last night have earned you over thirty new nicknames.
I just want to sing to him and rub baby oil on his head
My girl friends dad just asked how I get so drunk and then he passed out with a bloody Mary in his hand on the couch it's 230 do you know where your parents are
Totes just ripped ass and the bartender's eyes got wet
Randomize
