I must say, I don't like the act of throwing up, but the feeling after is quite delightful
shes about as inviting as chlamydia
He lasted like 30 seconds. With a condom. I just expected more from the president of a frat.
i told you he always needs adult supervision he just tazered himself
The druken crowd just broke into singing "God Bless America" while waiting the newlyweds to get in the limo. My friend is eating rose petals.
It'll be a Christmas-Fucking-Miracle if we get through the ceremony without a groomsman vomming
I cant be sure, but i think ive been drunk in this church before.
I need you to know that everytime my toddler does the downward facing dog in the nude I think about the night you and your dude fell in love.
SHE BROUGHT HER PARROT TO THE PARTY. IT SQUAWKS EVERY TIME SOMEONE VOMITS LIKE 'PARTY FOUL SQUAWKKKKKK'
This guy kept trying to use "see? I'm clean. Cleared by the plasma place today." as a pick up line. This is not okay.
I just did shots of fireball with my dad in a car wash. How's your pregaming going?
Well you were listening to music and having sex really loudly. How was I supposed to know you'd hear me making rocket sounds?
I walked in and saw her crying and singing to her dog
Also, let me tell you how embarrassing it is to match with someone who seemingly has their shit together at 4:45AM on a Thursday.
Sorry I called bc I needed help peeing outside
But I did it
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