apparently when i got back to tyler's i layed face down on the bed and yelled "don't hurt my asshole!"
I'm good, just tired from chardonnay and giving hand jobs.
Remember back in the day when getting fingered in the movie theater was the best thing ever?
I just want you to know that if I ever had to fight man eating flowers or flying turtles to save my friends they'd be fucked. No one's worth all that bullshit. PS I really need to stop playing Wii while drunk.
Im going home to examine my vagina with a hand mirror. wish me luck.
There is soup leaking out of my nose nothing in life has prepared me for this moment
Do not buy whiskey under any circumstances. There should be a UN sanctioned buffer zone between me and Seagrams.
I feel like a cloud. A cloud that wants to be laid.
I seem to have forgotten that I am wearing a one piece bathing suit under my clothes
You should not be allowed to go away on the weekends I plan on getting drunk on. I need someone to stop me from punching this guy in the face. It's simple room mate etiquette.
Just watched a girl fall down the stair and be to drunk to get up. The only stair in the bar. It's like watching a turtle on it's back.
Love these next 4 months. Wake up from a college football hangover and get to put your hand down your pants and watch NFL football all day.
Started crying to "that's the way it is" by celine. What the fuck uterus?!
THEN YOU WILL NOT GET TO SEE MY TITS TONIGHT OR IN THE NEAR FUTURE YOU HEARTLESS BASTARD
Lessons learned from last night: do not leave me drunk and alone with strippers and a credit card. Let's do whatever's cheaper.
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