Maybe i should go to church more so i can meet girls like in that song, you know, the ones that act slutty on every day but sunday...
ah, so the catholic church. i gotcha
I don't know which is more embarrassing, the fact that I shat on the floor today or that I told you about it.
I didn't think it was possible for the human body to be physically dependant on weed until I moved in with this kid
I had a terrible day! The only thing that makes me feel better is knowing Jack Bauers day was worse.
Just found a dugout in my rental car glove box. Suddenly my mood is upbeat.
Their wedding is on my 21st birthday. I fail to see a way that this could end poorly.
Just checked my recent transactions online. Between the hours of 1 and 3am on September 30th, I went to 7/11 4 times. Unacceptable.
Also, just almost microwaved cereal. Thank god mom is here to stop me.
drinking ice water after you brush your teeth, is like Antarctica blowing a load into your mouth.
Hey my results were negative. Your chlamydia train stops here. Happy hunting!
THERE IS AN ENORMOUS FAT WOMAN EYEING MY FLIGHT'S GATE LIKE IT WOULD BE DELICIOUS TO EAT.
BECAUSE THIS IS AMERICA AND DONUTS AND TITTIES AND ALCOHOL IS WHAT THIS COUNTRY WAS FOUNDED ON
No that one bar I got kicked out of got closed so that technically doesn't count
...I watched him run on the beach yesterday and I think I started ovulating
Put a Santa hat on my junk. He's wants to be festive too.
Randomize
