I just did something awful... i just had to tell someone... i just used my brothers electric face cleaner as a vibrator
Reason #3 women are better than men: texting and peeing simultaneously. Write THAT in the fucking snow.
you had a panic attack, pissed yourself, and started crying. you never go above the kiddie level of my lil bros schools haunted house ever again.
round 2?
EVER.
I want to apologize 3 days in advance for what's about to take place on St. Patrick's day.
She just took off her shirt and jumped in the kiddie pool. We're not leaving.
Should I feel bad that my boyfriend pays for my birth control and his friends get to reap the benefits?
Of course he wants me there for his birthday. If a girl offers you a blowjob for every year of your life, you're gonna want her to be there.
woke up outside on the porch naked surrounded by beer cans with a towl around my neck. i must be in heaven cause i've never seen this place before.
What was she thinking? I'm not in the business of charity fucks anymore.
One of my friends took me out last night for a bday celebration and I just now remembered that a man blew fire balls across the bar in honor of my birthday... How drunk do you have to be to forget that?
I decided I'm going to give him a celebratory fuck for his accomplishments. Knocked on his door, handed him some condoms and said "I'll be over tonight with sex and booze"
I want to be you.
I really wanted to pound but her roomate was making mac n cheese n shit so I was trying to time her moans to the drone of the microwave
The last thing I remember is him yelling from across the room "WE FINISHED THE HANDLE!"
It was 11pm.
Last 4 google searches: class c felony, scary ghosts, peanut butter jelly time, Lindsey lohans vagina
He fucked me so hard my hair extensions fell out
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