whjeg hajt iyt
say what?
wanna hang out?
i bet even starving children in Africa take the crust off their poptarts
I'm too high to be shopping. I just contemplated deoderant for fifteen minutes. Now testing pillows
Nothing like throwing up 1/2 price appatizers and 2 4 1 personal pitcher in uniform to remind myself what a succesful failure I am
OMG HAIR ON HIS DICK. HAIR ON HIS DICK AS IN GROWING OUT OF HIS DICK. HAIR.
Seriously! We need to take her a thank you note or something. She puts up with the drugs and the extremely loud sex. She deserves a thank you card.
He hasn't responded, but he probably just jizzed in his shorts again, so I'll give him time.
Got into Princeton. So excited about the mommy-issue-over-achieving-cock I get to ride the next 4 years!!!
If she "comes out" to me I guess I'll high five her. That's pretty much my response to everything these days.
I saw a picture of a baby and it reminded me to take my birth control. Priorities
I'M OFFICIATING THIS WEDDING. HOLY SHIT.
She came out of the bathroom listening to her iPod and crying. Then she started scream 'she will be loved'. She seems to be handling the break up well lol
You were yelling at a tree saying it should be in the forest..
Don't judge me.
Neighbor is sitting on his porch looking like he made some terrible life decisions and I just want to be like "I drank half of a handle of peach vodka in a shed last night. I understand" but I think they're swingers so his night probs sucked more.
Did you guys just have three hour sex? You both stopped and restarted texting me at the same time
If I were to say yes, would we still be friends?
Randomize