Girls only wine night turned into a sloppy drunk lesbian orgy again
I'm at the grocery store, it's 10 am and the woman in front of me just bought 3 boxes of wine. She turned around and told me not to be afraid
Just to save you guys the surprise, somebody shit outside of our door.
Its like every time I go out with you, it always involves Serbian chicks and taco bell and you always manage to get both all over my bed.
Just got a blow job while taking my online quiz. How is life in the dorms treating you?
How was the party last night?
There's a mountain bike in the middle of our apartment. No one will claim it.
i came so hard i kicked through my windshield
He ripped down his Kate Upton poster while we were having sex last night. Im gonna take that as a good sign.
Just text him and be like do you want this pussy or not. You have three seconds to respond.
I really need to stop sending pussy pics if I'm going to be running for state representative in November
I mean, if you want to light yourself on fire for maximum accuracy, far be it from me to stop you
At what point can I admit that I hate going to house parties?
I don't wanna stand in your shitty kitchen making small talk while I guard the quality booze I brought.
No one knows how to work that "I pulled a muscle in my leg" drunk swagger like you can
So I love answering sex questions in intimate relationships class on a clicker when im sitting next to my cousin..
I just watched your fat stupid son get hit by a Prius. Ran right in front of it. He's all right . But... Maybe you should have taught him to look both ways like a responsible parent does.
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