I have had it with that bitchy sack of crazy. Iam done!
I don't know if the fire truck was perfect timing or if she actually burned something down.
There is an old man sitting across from me. Phone rang and his ringtone is children giggling, I'm not safe here.
every time i recognize a doctor or patient at the hospital on this rotation, i just pray it's not from my blackout saturday makeout slut moments...professionalism shouldn't count on weekends
He just pushed one of his testicles up into his stomach and called himself lance armstrong. I can't make this shit up.
Typical Sunday afternoon purchase of condoms and a helium tank.
I found a fingernail in my vagina. A fingernail.
You know you're baked when you feel your throat closing up from an allergic reaction to the pecans in the cookie you're eating but you keep eating the damn cookie.
I'm going to give blood tomorrow. Prepare yourself for pictures and a cynical poem about the heart and its level of tangibility.
I woke up and found a stick of butter in my pocket. There's no butter in the house so I don't know who's it is. Using it to make cookies.
Full disclosure. I fucked the fatty from work and shit is weird now.
Zach, it's Lisa from work. Was that you yeiling BALLS DEEP at me on I-25 or is it just something about me that invites that from rando creeps?
On a brief change if topic, last night I dreamt I got shit faced with bill Nye the science guy and we went bar to bar and explained the science of alcohol to everyone who'd give us free drinks. We wore bow ties
we woke up when the front wall of the house caught fire.
I made you bacon and gave you a blow job. I'd say you had a pretty great day.
Randomize
