A friday without alcohol is hardly a friday at all
Its 11am everyones wasted wearing sombreros and eating fresh produce..cesar chavez would be very proud
He said I taste like butterscotch, licked me, then I'm pretty sure he wet his pants. So no, I do not want to invite him over.
Next thing I know we're all standing in the kitchen holding hands and thanking God for the beer.
Level of drunkenness: just now when I sat down on the toilet, I had to double check to make sure I wasn't sitting on somebody's lap.
We're pregaming our midterms. Also, when we get our tests back, we're taking a shot for every point we lost. If you're not in, you should just go ahead and transfer.
Just found a pic on my phone of you on squatting on the hood of a police car about to take a dump. Care to explain what happened last night?
I'm pretty sure my liver died in Reno and my intestines are doing hula hoops around my asshole. The bachelor party was that good.
may or may not have figured out a way to make my mom a drug mule to bring me ecstasy...
By the end of the first quarter he was so hammered he was pouring beer into the crockpot with the miniature hot dogs and BBQ sauce saying he loved the supper bowl and he loves taking mini weinies to the face
The "don't have sex with him again" alerts you set on my phone just started going off.
Good. "Seriously, don't do it" should start in about five minutes.
Do you wanna do something, or just stare at each other and fantasize about death like we usually do
I jizzed in his mayonnaise and put it back in the fridge. Shouldn't have stolen my weed.
Emojis can't explain what he felt when that ass dropped
You stuck your false lashes to your upper lip and then asked that ONE kid with facial hair if your "mustaches could touch" as an excuse to make out.
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