there is a puppy in the bar... no really i didnt steal this one
is it sad that pink shorts and cowboy hats remind me of getting jizz in the hair?
Why is there a cactus in the microwave?
Don't worry about it.
It was almost awkward to look at you naked while listening to Circle of Life. Just saying.
I may or may not be taking a bath listening to the Phantom of the Opera. This lovely moment brought to you by xanax.
Lmao. We just snorted some mystery powder uriah found packged up in my car, that i know has been in there almost a year... Its adventure time.
I honestly think the worst part about the night is they just kicked us out of the park and we didn't even get to go into Disneyland Jail
Its perfect, I supply the pot she makes the brownies. I love the culinary dept.
so i EARNED it!?! i EARNED dying alone with cats!!?
I just found a voice recording from Tanya's bachelorette party when we found you drunk in downtown being harassed by a crazy dude dressed like a clown and we rescued you. Attached is a voice recording of me interviewing you after we found you. I titled it Carlos Batman.
My tinder date wouldn't stop talking about the Star Wars movie trailer long enough to fuck me. HOW IS THIS MY LIFE?!?
Why do I have a separate credit card just for booze? Because I saved enough points so Saturday we are flying to Denver to smoke legal weed and fly back in the same day.
the guy had "bad bitches only" tattooed above his penis...
I put him in the supply closet, used the copy paper to build a fort around him and his wheelchair, then he fucked me in the fort.
I want to get drunk and watch somebody else's tragedy.
Randomize
