who knew getting puke in ur hair could make it look so cute and curly. minus the crusty puke part
Just got head while drinking hot cocoa and eating cookies. Never in my life have I felt more like santa claus
Replacing day drinking with a real job was the worst decision I've ever made.
Just mixed vicodin and mucinex. This cold just got fun.
I'll be honest with you, my dick was out at that point in time.
We decided to leave the bar after we shattered a glassand then drive to steal a baby pool for our water festivities tomorrow
Horrible. I told her my girlfriend is in the hospital and she tried to give me a lapdance.
I went to the haunted house just to see her - Hello new fetish!
She's trying to put on her dog muzzle on her self
I'm running on jager fumes right now. It's like I put diesel in a prius and said fuck it.
It's 4/20. I'm not too worried about "healthy"
I'm taking the day off so I can get drunk at Whole Foods before noon
Then you fell out of your chair, looked right at me and said, "You are sooo drunk."
Feels weird riding an elevator with my tongue in my own mouth.
Sitting in the dr office she literally looked at my throat and goes have you been having oral intercourse
Randomize
