May have finally hit rock bottom...bouncer from the strip club informed me I wore the same shirt last night
my credit card is covered in vodka and bad memories
We should invent fake asshair for you to wear so you can experience my pain for a day.
6 beers and it feels like I've been drinking water... Daiquiri time
wait, how does the 20 year old one night stand pregnant girl have a superiority complex?
Also when i was high i would close my eyes and see a puppy on a grill having pancake batter poured on it.... And for whatever reason it was fucking hilarious.
How do I know if porn I have watched is haunted?
URGENT INPUT I'm at a renesance fair after party and I'm 100% lined up to fuck their sword swallower OR their contortionist. Dont say both - which direction doth I roll?
apparently domino's not only has a live feed of pizzas coming out of the oven, but it also has a built in smooth jazz radio station. this pizza's getting really pornographic really fast.
I never thought I'd have to apologize for tasting like absinthe and cheetos before tonight
Don't do tequila. The Devil himself spits into shot glasses and we call it tequila. You will do bad things.
Like I'll lick your nuts to make you feel better if you don't get it
how do you tell someone, in the most complimentary way possible, that they would make an excellent stripper?
This woman at the blackjack table is sitting on a pile of newspaper so she can pee at her seat and never miss a hand.
Is there a sexuality term for 'only wants hatefucks'?
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