my professor just told me i smelt like a brewery infront of my whole class b4 my final presentation
How do you jack off and text at the same time?
On my iPhone they have an app for that
i can't help myself.. i am just so in love with the kitchen manager.
...he was wearing JNCO shorts.. i'm pretty sure i saw the dragon.
dude i just heard a girl tell another girl 'what part of im trying to get laid tonight dont u understand?'
needless to say i wont be back home tonight
My goal for tonight: make tomorrow as awkward as humanly possible.
We're lucky we aren't prostitutes by now. Whats the etiquette for returning a pair of heels with blood on them?
I woke up spooning my guard tube. Tell me I'm not the most dedicated lifeguard ever
Been in the ER for 3 hours now. This hospitals transition to paperless is not going well. But my doctor looks like Elton John and just gave me percocet
The fact that every guy you've slept with since you've lost virginty either have the same first or last name isn't normal.
Please be advised that because of last year's "incident" we will no be starting St. Pat's day with spicy breakfast burritos and car bombs. Please plan accordingly.
female sloths literally scream when they want sex and can be heard up to 700 meters away
i think i might be a female sloth
The look of disappointment from my cat while I take nudes...
who says I'm not relevant to the kids today? Just had snapchat sex, blows the roof off aim cyber sex
His penis is the only thing worth pursuing but all the baggage attached isn't.
You were leaning against a fire hydrant asking people if they wanted to buy free pocket peanuts from you.
Randomize
