non applicator tampons are so hard to put in when your drunk. i fingered myself for 10 minutes and forgot what i was trying to do.
his text ended with ... everyone knows dot dot dot equals infer sexy time
Sorry you had to hear me puke. I didn't know I called you. Was it graceful?
i think i was tempted to text while we were making out. like i remember holding my phone up behind his head and just staring at it.
I was batman and I saved her. Then we had sex on a rooftop.
My first sex dream, I blew myself. Yours definitely wins.
he was banged his ex for coke the whole time and is still the best guy so far this year. standards need to be raised.
I see you've set aside this special time to humiliate yourself in public.
I pretty much threw up on him while he slept, I had one task today which was to wash the sheets that I threw up on and I turned them pink. I would leave me if I could
I had her number in my wallet, I was sitting on a winning ticket for the blowjob lottery and didn't know
and I believe it was when I was running to class to take a test still drunk in my Halloween costume that I realized I have reached that point in the semester where I just don't give a flying fuck anymore.
Remember when we saw my neighbor taking dick pics of himself? He's back at it!
She tried to gratify me left handed. Let's just say I've been placed on the 15 day DL.
how did you set a fucking salad on fire????????
She doesn't even give a fuck about angle. I seriously gotta start doing like penis yoga or something.
Upstairs definitely just had sex while I wrote you love poetry. That was a fun experience 🤷🏻♀️
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