Just dunked an oreo in a white russian. Trying to think of a better experience in my life and failing.
i no longer even have beer goggles. i'm pretty sure i blacked out and had beer lasik.
She played chubby bunny with our cocks.. She got 4
It's official, my little sister has hooked up with more girls than I have.
Oh just living the dream. And by living the dream I mean drinking franzia out of a martini glass and watching family matters. Also, drinking every time Carl Winslow has a mustache and Eddie wears MC Hammer pants
I think its safe to assume that the 40yr old undergraduate with purple and pink in her hair and a tattoo of the eiffel tower above her ass crack has never actually been to Paris...
I don't know how we managed to stay up but we actually sat in front of her open refrigerator for god knows how long while she ate salami straight out of the package with her fingers and I laughed. It was a trainwreck.
YOU ARE TAKING ADVANTAGE OF MY INEBRIATED STATE
YOU ARE DRUNK AND USED AND SPELLED THE WORD "INEBRIATED" CORRECTLY. I AM TAKING ADVANTAGE OF NOTHING.
I CAN'T HELP THAT I'M MULTITALENTED YA FUCKER
Yeah i was handcuffed to the bed all night but i actually slept like a baby
Probably TMI here but I just rubbed one out while listening to thunderstruck, almost ripped my dick off.
I have a pair of clean panties in my purse. This is having your life together.
I'm taking a pole dancing class this morning. Can I put you down as my emergency contact? I'm NOT putting my mother
he just ran into my room in his giant penis costume yelling "supercock to the rescue"... I am still in total shock
Sexting my TA in lecture = awesome
hot take: drunk me can walk through walls?
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