if reincarnation is for serious, i better be a guy in my next life
with a huge shlong
massive. i wanna make bitches cry
i woke up to her playing with my penis. just wiggling it around and around. awkward night? i would say so.
SO stoned. Sitting in just a thong in front of a fan. NO work for a WEEK! Life is good :)
it's already thursday and i haven't gotten drunk yet...something's not right.
you were making out, puked over his shoulder and insisted everything was okay
I just peeled a layer of cum off my eyelid. Don't even tell me that's not why you came over
We've only been driving for two hours and I'm already down 3 vicodin...I'm not going to survive this family vacation.
we have 69 mutual friends...i have to add her
That's why I don't chug things. Because when I was a freshman in college tequila came out my nose.
I've had more lap dances than hrs of sleep since Thursday, this is why you're planning all three of my bachelor parties
The way I kissed her was actually pretty charming and then it devolved to car sex
wtf why is there glitter all over my dog
he asked me why I let you steal the gnome, and you jumped out of the bathroom, yelled "you know why!" and ran outside with said gnome
Saddle up bitches, we're going to an orgy.
Newest quarantine problem - I’ve watched all of the porn. Like everything on the the internet, all the DVDs, mags, VR, leisure suit Larry all of it and I’m still horny af
Randomize
