That guy over there looks like a cartoon/action figure.
omg, i know.
we're too high.
You don't need id to drink rum in an alley.
people will do anything to get on MTV. like get pregnant.
I would go down on you faster than GM stock
Before we started fucking, he laid me on the bed, and asked my what my sleep number was, so that i would be "comfy"
We just licked a sour creme and onion chip for salt for a tequila shot. Our vacation has officially begun.
the liquor store owner came out from behind the counter and kissed my cheek when he saw that i am back for fall semester
Crashed the mayor's bday party, no list for some reason. Wore suits. Ludacris was there.
I like how I get messages from eharmony at the same time I'm looking for a new vibrator. It's like the powers that be are just trying to make my life ironic.
Like not in a "I wanna have sex with you way" more like a "I wanna cuddle your mustache way"
It's like the sisterhood of the traveling vaginas over here
And then we were riding the keg in the pool like an 8 second rodeo...naked.
He thought you were kidding about me peeing on my ex...and then I was like "that was one time"
When he mumbled "I can't feel my legs," proceeded to stand, fall over, and just lay there I knew I'd given great head...
sitting in a shitty karaoke bar playing pokemon go and drinking a mimosa. how is your sunday night
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