Heyy I kind of wanted to apologize and excuse myself for last night. I feel like that was a little much. I just met you. That's why I don't like tequila. Haha
is there any particular reason you took a shit in a zip lock bag and left it in my refrigerator?
I think in growing up..I've been having a hard time masterbating to fictional characters
No, no... it's pale and surrounded by awkward, curly, red hair. It's the Ronald McDonald of penises.
Oh I love our desires, it's riding my bike at 2 AM with a massive erection that I dislike.
Well that's the second time I've broken a lamp during sex this month. Starting to worry I'm some kind of X-man. (this one was a wall sconce and I fully smashed it with my head and it crumbled like it was made of sugar)
No sex in the champagne room. The champagne room being my life
I just dumped bong water and Bacardi out of my purse into the trash can. Everything in my purse is soaked. I hate Sundays.
I'll only sleep there if we can bone on your balcony.
My liver appreciates your vow of avoiding matrimony
Sometimes the most spiritual fucking thing to do is punch somebody in the face.
I always knew ther was a reason why we're best friends
Obvs our love of drugs
I like to think of it more as our love of curiosity
all I know is that I was naked, and there were cheeto puffs everywhere...
Laying in bed naked is fun. I now see why guys love boobs... They're sooo bouncy! This long distance relationship is really killing my sex life.
What did you delete my number or something
Oh honey. What makes you think I saved in in the first place?
Randomize
