Dude I'm drinking a martini out of a water bottle, I've become my parents.
the only good thing about him lasting five minutes was that nobody thinks i had sex with him or that im a slut because we were only in the bathroom for five minutes
My econ prof just gave me a shot glass because I was the "randomly picked" winner of the lecture. Ties into our supply and demand lecture, supplied with a shot glass, demand a thirsty thursday
someone who i have in my phone as thundercock just said he was DTF
This santa hat i wore to the bar, served it's dual purpose as a vomit bag.
Also I'm sitting home alone with a big ass bowl of marshmallows right now just eating. It's so sad.
Do you remember doing synchronized hip thrusts to Michael Jackson? Probably one of my favorite parts of the night
Just made a floating bacon boat for the hot tub. This is what America is all about.
Are the transvestites working the counter tonight? Last time I was there they gave me love advice.
I was unconscious Saturday for like 6 hours after I passed out on the sidewalks of our nation's capital. Thank you America, for bottomless brunch.
Just accidentally flashed my junk to the lady helping me try on suits, it was cold in there, I don't think she was impressed.
YO. MCGRIDDLES.
I'm a girl who met my last three bfs in gay clubs. Think I'm doing something wrong?
I thought I'd never say this, but if I had to choose between these cookies and sex, it would be these cookies
I'm fairly sure I accidentally saw my dad naked last night
Randomize