I did the walk of shame to another booty call
I don't think that should turn me on, but it does
id fuck shawn from boy meets world only if we could name the baby topanga.
Lady GaGa only went backwards in convincing me she's not a man at the VMAs.
We need to rekindle our bromance
He went soft
Wait. During?
Yeah, he was IN. MY. MOUTH.
picked up a girl by parallel parking. i love this town already.
NO. NO LET HIS PENIS TOUCH YOU.
Pretty sure I just heard the turkey yell "don't put me in there" as it was going in the oven. way too high for this holiday.
and then she started to quack like a duck and u started throwing bread at her
I HAVEN'T FUCKED ANYONE IN FOREVER AND A HALF I DON'T DESERVE TO BE A TRASHY BLONDE
Apparently hitting a bong with your mouth half numb is hilarious but frustrating!
I'm going to avoid eye contact because my old high school English teacher is not who I feel like seeing after I just had a dick in my mouth
"Yeah because the first thing I think of when I hear the word college is tear gas."
He said 'I really struggle with the sin of lust' then we proceeded to have sex. So I guess it was a perfectly executed Catholic pick up line?
I got fucked in a bat mobile this morning. Being slutty rules.
Randomize
