It's pouring out. I am cold, wet, and miserable.... Kind of reminds me of our sleepover last night.
What did we do last night that was yellow?
She smells like mac and cheese, right after you add the cheese. It's strangely erotic.
i bet even starving children in Africa take the crust off their poptarts
I got a handjob from a sober married woman in a parking lot in the middle of the day, yet you still cant manage to get laid by a drunk single slut at the bar at 1am. Wtf
He keeps the condoms in his bible. I guess stairs or elevator, we're getting to hell one way or another.
Just made a photo collage of the girls I've hooked up with this summer. I'm patting myself on my back right now
Why is the garage door in the middle of the street?
He was having an allergic reaction to that new brand of vodka Eric brought, so he just started chasing with benadryl.. Talk about commitment.
Just don't let me fall on anything that can be broken. Unless its a dick
All I know is that your reaction after this date with him was "I think I did cocaine" so I'm sold on this boy
Can I use your baby to go shoplifting?
He was Jesus for Halloween and I definitely got on my knees and gave him praise.
Say whatever the fuck you want about me, but leave my deceased cat out of it.
I miss the pre Covid days when we could meet men in bars. Hitting on guys in the grocery store is just depressing
Randomize