Bad news is im a slut again. Good news is its with people ive been a slut with before.
It's officially time to start saving up weed money for the NCAA tournament
Do the low cut shirt test. If he stares at your tits even in front of your brother, he's down.
Well, I'm eating cake, watching wedding videos of people I don't know, and crying. Clearly I'm a vision of mental health today
Yeah it was hard to find an opportunity while fucking him to say "oh the reason my lips taste so salty is because i blew your roomate 15 minutes ago"
Sorry, they don't make maternity Power Ranger suits...
So we became Pizza Strippers- we stripped and asked for slices of pizza in return.
He's a loser but she says we just don't see the good stuff about him. It's like she's dating the Charlie Brown Christmas Tree.
Just smoked the bong while taking a dump. I love living by myself.
Nobody feels the need to text me back. Men. And I sent myself a message saying nakedness. I'm all the man I need.
having flashbacks of licking salt of your dick for my shot of tequila
I told him you forbid me to sleep with him so he needs to accept that.
I feel like people expect me to always be a sarcastic, shade throwing drunk. And you know me, I hate to disappoint.
Just woke up with only a scarf and my uggs on. i hate partying naked in winter.
Sorry I didn't have my phone all night. Did we hang last night?
You bit me
Oh lord I need to hear this story
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