all of your clothes are in the front law. btw..sprinklers go on in 20 minutes
The guatemalans kept making all these sexual suggestions ... With the corn
Security said no more parties of this kind. To me that translates to Theme party this weekend.
he just texted me saying he needs a place to stay for the night. pretty sure i just got booty called to my own house...
he does have a point though, watching you drink makes me never want to drink again
I think I died last night.
Yeah, you got carried home
The last time I've felt a woman's touch, the twin towers were compromised. You can wait like one week
He sent me nudes and then a text asking if I tried the new Cantina Bowl from Taco Bell. He sure does romance right, doesn't he?
I just wanna be able to fart and do my homework but he won't leave
YOU HAVE PISSED AND FUCKED ON LITERALLY EVERYTHING IN MY HOUSE
Not everything, just a few things. And only a few times. The odds are really not all that bad when you break it down.
you’ve pissed every time you slept over. there’s no such thing as odds anymore. it’s guaranteed
That kid singlehandedly fucked the breakup right out of me. I'm only hooking up with Millenials from here on out.
Were you the one who yelled "FOR GLORYHOLE!" then punched a hole through my door?
I woke up in a bush somewhere in Tucson with a full suit on. Great way to end my birthday.
Also, why does our bed smell like mayonnaise?
He agreed to matching Christmas pajamas today, no guy does that for a girl he’s not seriously considering marrying.
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