To be honest I don't know what's worse, the fact that I interupted their shower sex or the fact that I was so drunk I used the adjoining stall anyway
He ran headfirst into the atm. Thenasmed us what our spirit animals were...he said his was either a dolphin or a cabbage
and I believe it was when I was running to class to take a test still drunk in my Halloween costume that I realized I have reached that point in the semester where I just don't give a flying fuck anymore.
I hate that you live in a gated community. I feel your guard judges me every time I go to your house at 3 am an leave at 5am
Brownies hit. And just found beer. And the bill cosby show is on. And its in spanish.
Some lady just walked up to me in the bar and proclaimed that I looked like a "shady motherfucker." Can't argue with that one.
Taco trucks are like ice cream trucks for drunk adults. They should have a mariachi tune they play super loud to bring people out of the bars for tacos.
I would recommend NOT getting ass enhancement shots.
There are grandparents doing keg stands I don't know
I just had sex in the footy bunny pajamas my mom bought me for christmas. Tis the season
I immediately woke up from my nap, made myself a screwdriver and got in the shower. I know it's spring break but I'm still questioning my life choices.
I just wanted to tell you that the German word for "dickhead" can also be translated as "ass violin" and I think that's beautiful.
YOu just turned down my vagina. Something must be wrong. Vegas changed you!
this is a mass text: the cage has been opened. repeat, the cage has been opened. a search party will be organized. you are all sloppy bitches. that is all.
I climbed on the arm of the futon, flapping my hand fan frantically and hissing imprecations at the smoke detector
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