Seriously. Destroy her vagina. Do it like an angry baboon mating with a gentle manatee.
Who the hell brings a 6pack to a party. I'm trying to make mistakes.
Woke up this morning 8 levels higher in Call of Duty then when I started drinking... told you I was better when I was drunk.
This is going to be a 3 day beach sex fest. Do you understand
they fed me a peach. i was laying on the floor telling them how beautiful they were
Her stripper name is Geico. I'm not drunk or creative enough to make this up.
If he's the sort of guy that will fuck in a public restroom, he's the sort of guy that will cheat on his gf. I'm goin for it.
Drunk naked twister. My place. Heath is trying to use his dick as a third leg.
Just discovered i ordered the nhl center ice package back in september, the operator said there was a note next to the time I called, indicating I may have been intoxicated while calling (no clue why but it was noted)...meaning I was drunk...meaning ill never miss another sabres game...i love me and am beaming with self pride
I stopped hooking up with him and ran to the bathroom to throw up. He saw me throwing up and it made him throw up
There's a baby in the strip club. I say again: THERE'S A BABY IN THE STRIP CLUB
Im including "no monologues past 1am" in the list of apartment rules. Theatre majors dude.
It's 7am. I'm sitting on the curb in last nights clothes with a nose bleed and no idea how to get home. Low moment I feel.
I'll give you one guess. It has a cock and I want it
the bastard is cheating on me with some sleazy barista from Starbucks
That’s his wife they’re back together
You say potato, I say sleazy barista
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