Just fucked a hooker at a motel in New Jersey. Two states down, 48 to go.
I just had to ask my dad for money to pay for my birth control. I've hit financial rock bottom.
I'm at a party with half naked strippers driving in a little kids battery powered mustang around a stipper pole in his bedroom
he doesn't sweat normal. maybe that's what THC smells like coming through the sweat glands...
I woke up in a chipotle parking lot with an industrial sized box of condoms and a bag of dounut holes. I need Jesus
I manage to fit my wine bottle in my koozie and the rest is history
Honestly I don't even have room for feelings after that Taco Bell
My general physician told me i have the emotional capacity of a 2 year old, While he refilled my xanax prescription. That's service!
Mmm. Champagne. Weed. 17 pounds of animal crackers.
You can't honestly expect me to maintain an erection when you have the Glen Beck show on
I cant go through life without knowing what ginger pubes actually look like
Officially locked in my status as an indifferent millennial by downloading Tinder.
Went to my bottom drawer for my stash , gone just a note says thanks sucker love dad
Dude someone puked in a bowl n put it in the fridge. I thought it was salsa! Who does that?
It took like and hour to get him in me and then he came in like 2min. Size aint everything
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