The lawn was on fire, but I fixed it.
You tried to convince our cab driver that your $2 bill was worth $11.70
New swimming pool is best sex toy ever. We are pioneering the doggie-style paddle.
Theres a picture of you standing next to a John Wayne cardboard cutout that says dont drink and drive. your buddy is shirtless holding a beer and youre holding your keys up with marker on your face.
It's great having no responsibilities. In normal life I would be freaking the fuck out right about now. But the only worry I have from last night is where i got this shower caddy full of cookies. God I love college.
I found the hair cut I want on the girl in the porno I'm watching. now really sure how to show my stylist.
I know it's early but when you wake up can you please validate my life and tell me I'm not just a drunk idiot.
WHY does every guy I sleep with want to fix my car?!
Feel like I died but someone put me In a human microwave and I got back to life.
Yeah I'd rather get obliterated at home.
Same here. I'd like to ensure that I won't get pissed on.
I'm going to three dry weddings this month. I'm flashing three dry weddings this month
Woke up with a 22 year old with the number for a different girl written on my stomach, almost 30 can suck my dick I still got this shit
I spent most of my night in the men's room eating popcorn on the garbage can conversing with strangers pissing
We should probably feel disgusted that we took turns eating and drunkenly passing around a burrito the size of a small dog but i’m ok with it.
Pretty sure I got at least one girl to question her sexuality at the Christmas party last night
Randomize
