There comes a time in every girls life when she must use her boobs for good instead of evil.
Your pregnant arnt you
My sink just fell out of the wall. I can't deal with this right now
So apparently after he gets hammered, falls down a set of stairs and gets a concussion, he can still come home and find a way to play his guitar solo bullshit as loud as possible while i seduce my date...
she gave me one of those friendship bracelets and said as long as I wore it it was like an all-access pass to her vagina
Santa was walking around downtown handing out stuff at the bars. He gave me a free eyebrow wax. I think he's trying to tell me something
stalking the twitter feeds of girls who have fucked my current fuck buddy makes me glad we use condoms
It was like we had a conversation with our eyes.
Was it a good conversation?
It was an awkward, sexual conversation.
The look of disappointment from my cat while I take nudes...
I may have unintentionally punched your cat twice but he's an asshole anyway.
Anybody can graduate from college sober. You try it while being stoned every day for the last three years. 2.75 baby.
I haven't had a bra on since I quit my job.
Are we DOING anything for lunch...if sex is involved, let's just be straight forward and stop wasting the first half hour! We just need to get to the point
I'm sitting naked on my bathroom floor and it remind me of us.
That's my way of saying I miss you
Dont ask questions just say words. where can i find plan b?
Ugh hungover at a laundromat is a terrible feeling. For some reason I keep getting sucked into staring at the clothes spinning around and around and it makes me want to profusely projectile vomit everywhere
Randomize
