don't worry. When rigor sets in, we'll make sure to get you laid one last time.
spell your last name, im trying to find you on facebook
when i was 16 reading the aftercare instructions at the piercing place i wondered why they would ever think to warn me about getting semen in my bellybutton
then i met college
I am drinking ovaltine with peppermint schnapps. My childhood could have been so much better.
Do you think most people who work at an airport Chili's can pin point where their lives went wrong?
Playing hide and seek with all those cheeseburgers... Not our finest moment.
My goal is to upperdeck the house I'm at, because it's some girl I don't know's birthday. Welcome to adulthood, bitch.
Only catch is you have to sleep in the same bed as me. But no worries, I plan on being in a random guys hotel room every night. So it's essentially yours.
I applaud your efforts, but I have to say it was the bear we encountered that ultimately shut down the entire operation
I don't think the best pickup line was. Hey I have never made a girl orgasm before but I'm sure it will work on someone like you.
The ONLY reason I am doing laundry is because all my sweatpants are dirty.
So I got cockblocked by our relationship status last night
I'm just hitting the tip of the iceberg on accents for this trip...so basically my panties are done for.
Dude I woke up with a handprint shaped bruise on my ass, a pong ball in my cleavage, and somebody else's gold chain around my neck. Who's house am I in?
Wait what do you mean I BOUGHT A FUCKING HORSE LAST NIGHT?!?!
Randomize