Superbowl + Mdma, hope we're on the same page.
Grown men dancing to Spice Girls and a girl wearing one shoe. I belong here
Just sneezed out a half gram of coke into a tissue. Four hours after the fact. The bender continues.
If it looks really sketchy and smells like burnt pizza and pot you're in the right place
You texted me a picture of your face along with #help
She's trying to sext her husband for the first time. I'm feeding her lines. It is 3 am and I am playing Cyrano for my wasted big sister TELL ME I AM NOT THE BEST SISTER IN LAW ON THE PLANET.
Security has videotape of her blowing the boss against his car. Don't they know he entire parking lot is under video surveillance?
Just busted the chick who slept with my boyfriend with alcohol. God I love being an RA.
You're the only person not starstruck by him
Yes. That tends to happen after you regularly lick someone's balls.
I fucked him while wearing his hat. I love the navy
day drinking caused me to be in bed at a decent time. can't complain.
Im quite confident that my struggle with sobriety ended last night sometime after dinner
AND I woke up to eggs in my bra. Thanks Taco Cabana...
its a recording of you guys having sex?!
its actually 30 minutes of him begging and then 2 minutes of sex.
QUICK FAX ME THE BALL
Not how faxing works at all btw
Randomize
