Megan Fox is the only woman I would let pee on me.
I'm similar. She's the only woman I'd ask to pee on me.
Ok yeah you're right. I'd ASK Megan Fox to pee on me. I'd ALLOW Erin Andrews to pee on me if she asked.
Piggyback rides are my preferred mode of transportation.
Dude i just want you to know that when i found you half your mustache was already gone. I didn't do it.
how are you gonna miss the world cup? other than the olympics it's our last way to assert our dominance over China after this economic bull shit
I do remember getting hit in the face by an ugly one because she thought I was blowing on her butthole.
Guess who won bingo at the senior center and is going to jail all in the same night?
Don't ask me how, but I have a squirrel in my backpack and I don't know what to do with it.
So, I'm stoned at his house petting the neighbors cat I made him steal.
You're a fucking train wreck.
This is ridiculous. I’m in fucking college getting high off a potato.
Nautical themed porn is also great bc someone usually wears a captains hat
Apparently, acid is a good substitute for cash if you don't have any! Who knew?
let’s be honest I’d fucking Irish step dance on your grave, asshole
I mean it's up to you where you want to sleep but I'm telling you you're going to hear us have sex no matter what room you're in.
Fair enough
In case I die. I'm in ares truck with a bartender named Dave from chuys. JUST IN CASE. And let the people know my last words were suck my dick. My like literally.
Aww well I’m kinda unsober so probably best
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