Only in Montana can you find Septic Services that would display "Christian owned and operated" on the side of the truck. I'm oddly going to miss this state.
Could a canary swim?
Last time I ever let you pet sit.
if socks could get pregnant i would have catholic amounts of kids
There is only so much cookie dough and masturbating I can handle in one night.
my knee is completely bruised from kneesliding into the bowling ball. bowling for creativity points was a win
Partial kegs from last night are currently in my bathtub, which leads me to 2 questions: 1. What are you doing tonight? 2. Can I use your shower?
you seemed to enjoy falling down hill
wow, never heard the last few months of my life put so succint
I'd love to sympathize with you but I'm drunk in a mansion
So to add to headbutting the microwave while waiting for my hot pockets to cook. I apparently told both bartenders earlier in the night I was going to fuck them both. I hate black out drunk me..
Enroute to my place eta 6 mikes...estimated time until intoxicated? 45 mikes. Commence the timer.
Just put me in your contacts as coyote
You burped in your shoe and whispered 'you're mine now'
I think every girl deserves a pregnancy scare. Because then it just feels like such a priviledge to be bleeding out of the vagina.
I legit just did a jig towards my box of tampons.
Sex. Target parking lot. I really am the mayor.
I woke up in my bed with candy and beer bottles all around me and i dont know where any of it came from. I love valentines day.
Randomize
