My astrological sign? Vagitarius.
what do kids with lesbian moms do for father's day? like do you talk about it? is it awkward? do you get the butchy mom a card?
thanks 4 putting "im not your boyfriend baby" on my sex playlist. she just got pissed and left.
So I realized I was officially over him when I was getting a lap dance on the keg bus at 3am from his old boss and I was double fisting:)
But I feel like studying my flashcards during a blowjob would be rude...
"guaranteed dick" "anywhere - her room, my room, trees, couch"
Sorry that was quotes about you from the grad student.
Trying to find a reliable dealer on Rockfordmugshots.com. Guy arrested for 15 grams of coke could be him !
You realize those people have been ARRESTED recently. right.
When he sent me a picture, I swear my vag frowned. That tiny.
Btw: some husbands are not impressed by me trying to snap photos of their wives camel toe.
I almost drank vegetable oil. Where were you? I needed you.
note to self: do not snort crushed up caffeine pills in the bathroom by yourself when ur super shit faced, ur face will fucking hate you in the morning.
Just bought condoms with a walmart gift card. Thanks grandma.
The only thing that makes a night with half a bottle of cheap vodka is the other half of that bottle of cheap vodka.
Anyway, that's been my evening- crying and looking up diabetes symptoms. How was your night?
Here's a rundown of my night alone. Danced my ass off in the kitchen to FleetmacWood. Drank a little bit. Ordered $40 worth of Chinese food once the drinks kicked in. Picked up said Chinese in dirty sweatpants and slippers. #livinglife
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