ive decided something. ive accepted you as being gay. but i havent accepted you as a vegetarian yet.
matt and i tucked you in... you REFUSED to move your head from under the bed.
Waking and baking in my bathtub. In a giant sweater. And no pants. This is going to be the best 420 ever.
I like how he had to correct himself in stating that I was the fat one in the threesome.
I have a cat, a bottle of wine, and a Brazilian man. I need to catch you up on my life
When God was sprinkling self control to everybody, he ran out and was like ehhhh she'll make it!
I'll miss you, too. On the bright side, a night away from one another might give me a chance to recup seminal fluids.
I just had to close my blinds so my neighbors wouldn't see me drinking a beer at 9 am. GO CHIEFS!
I've had sex near too many of the blankets to let our parents touch them like this
hahahaha classic. this is why you are going to a college with a hospital right next to it
She shaved her vagina in my bed. Good night
It's been so long since I had sex I might propose to the next girl who will sleep with me.
I think someone shaved off all their pubes in the handicap stall or a werewolf stopped by the office to take a crAzy dump!
I'm hearing voices and sirens. I'm scared. I heard a manatee out there.
I guess I’m only into threesomes at Halloween, because I just woke up next to “Marilyn Monroe” and “Joe DiMaggio” in their condo
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