3:26am: come over
you purposely dodge me and you could have stopped me from leaving, you know how far i live. YOU come over
4:11am: mnlodp
dude I don't understand hebrew and I'm not coming over
"You squeeze, we tiip biiiiiig" JB
I reminded them that I didn't puke and I cleaned yours up! So huh!
When you told me you were coming to my show, I didn't know you were bringing Satan and Brokeback Mountain with you.
I just saw a kid walk into class with his dad. Fuck his life.
Dude you spent the last hour of the night in the bathroom crying, asking someone why you will never be as smart as Mr.Feeney from boy meets world.
I know I hit you with my car but people express love in different ways. Everyone is different.
you figure out which one you wanna sleep with, & I'll sleep with the other one. problem solved
hey this is Madison. you gave me your number last night and asked me to remind you that you didn't fuck anyone. you okay?
I just got a nosebleed on a date at the cheesecake factory...
just run out of the bathroom with blood gushing down your face and scream "ITS IN THE CHEESECAKE!!!!!"
Just had a horrible realization. I've fucked a guy with a webbed foot AND a guy with a third nipple.
You rolled around on the floor, yelled about being a "half-zombie" and bit that guy on the leg who was hitting on me.
HE GAVE ME ONE OF HIS BEERS.
YOU'RE THE CHOSEN ONE.
Those drunk pictures you took of me? My mom is showing those to my grandparents.
Oh hello Jordan's parents, I'm here to have sex with your son. He's in the shower? Oh great, I'll join him
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