when she was cumming she looked like terri schiavo. it took all of my memorized porn images to not go limp.
Come downstairs. Moms serving wine for breakfast again.
I've see this movie. You sext me after the bar and fall asleep mid sentence. Roll credits.
i chugged some hot sauce before i gave him head. i think a burning penis is a great way to say fuck you
she worked me into her spring break cardio plan. im mondays and wednesdays.
Don't ask how or why, but I think the 775 on the inside of my lip is permanent
Basically as long as the fan is pointed at my vagina i can cool off enough to sleep.
You. Me. Frosting and a bed. Lets do this.
I am the kind of drunk to where i can still drive a golf cart
Just discovered i ordered the nhl center ice package back in september, the operator said there was a note next to the time I called, indicating I may have been intoxicated while calling (no clue why but it was noted)...meaning I was drunk...meaning ill never miss another sabres game...i love me and am beaming with self pride
That basically sounds like the worst party of my life, and I'm including my brother's World of Warcraft themed birthday party.
I think you just described to us the most perfect drunken fairy tale that has somehow never been written
Those thigh tattoos deserve the handsomest of grins between them. Dont settle.
Pretty sure the waitress here is concerned about well being bc I've been here drinking by myself for 3 hours. If only I could show here FB so she'd know I'm not alone...
Is it fucked up to venmo someone for plan-b?
Randomize