I got fucking wesley sniped last night by that power hoe. How'd it end up on your end? Did you canoodle the stripper enough for her to agree to go to formal?
even through the webcam i could tell he was aiming for my face/hair
Hey, don't feel sorry for me, the two girls in front of me just ordered 18 dollars worth of taco bell. Life could be worse.
I just walked past a woman in the bar stroking a mans crotch, yelling 'I made this. I made this happen.'
No, you don't understand. If the words "stop," "alcohol poisoning," and "regret" aren't in the same sentence by the end of the night, I will have failed this birthday.
I'd rather just be alone, than deal with this bullshit. I just want to be alone. Cats and vibrators never let you down.
when he pulled his cock out I told him he'd brought a knife to a sword fight
But you're the one who should be jamming foreign objects into my vaj instead of an old weird lady. I mean, it is your birthday....
Remember that time you came over to my house and I was on the porch naked and eating peanut butter?
I met her at the quidditch match. She was the snitch and I caught her. After at the bar she walked up grabbed my hand and said snitches have flesh memories.
Why did I see a weird snapchat of you barking at McDonald's last night?
He wore socks while I was giving him head. I couldn't even focus on his penis because of the socks.
The tit pic search didn't go as planned, some old guy sent me a pic of his balls and said stop texting his daughter. Better luck tomorrow
Why was I so drunk last night that I licked the bar and then the bartenders face? Why didn't you stop me? We can never go back there.
EMERGENCY SUBJECT CHANGE. SHE DOESN'T KNOW.
Randomize
