u ever jackoff with ur legs spread and pretend ur fuckin urself as a girl and get mad u'll never know what that feels like. Or to fly like a bird?
Did u absorb a fraternal twin in the womb?
you broke into my aparment at three in the morning wearing long johns and offered me beer.
I took a picture of his ID so i could remember how to spell his last name and facebook stalk him later...I think he saw me do it
sorry we overslept. have a good day at work. p.s. thanks for making it feel like my vagina got hit by a train.
Nah, I'm just going to keep fucking him until he realizes we're perfect for each other.
found used condoms and an omlet in my uggs. I'm disgusted but not surprised.
It was going well until he told me about the 7k he made in college to be in a gay porn
I mean, I can get to know him eventually. The time frame doesn't really matter. I'll have sex with him regardless of whether he's interesting or not.
To sum up. The glass blower from the ren faire ate me out last night. Best ever. Go find yourself an artisan.
She asked if i could guess "what shape her carpet was". I got it wrong (christmas tree).
Pissing into the Grand Canyon is the single most liberating thing I've ever done in my entire life
She text me that night and asked how the dick was and I quote my drunk self "average at best"
My Sexting was not on an AP level
I just want you to know that watching you throw up out of a cab in the McDonald's drive thru was probably the highlight of my night.
when i saw him today i think my vagina did the equivalent of a stomach growl... its been to long
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