She'll never know what hit her
I dunno. Girls tend to recognize ball-to-chin contact.
let's makeout let's makeout let's make out let's make out
So the waitress at the Chinese Buffet totally just said "Adios" to a Hispanic couple. There's something you don't see every day.
I didnt believe in cockblocking untill my roomate brought home that.
i just got on a party bus. i think i left my belly button at the bar.
your like the ambassador to my penis.
When someone comes out of your vagina and stomps on your dreams, you'll understand.
Juss got out of jail; shes still in there tryin to sing her abc's backwards bc the cops neva asked her too... Whebever she gets to t she starts singin the tequilla song
I want to pinterest what I want to do with my pubes. Why isn't there a board for that?!
If I have to give a UPS guy a lap dance, you owe me a drink.
Today wasn't Sunday Funday, it was more like Sunday god is taking a shit on my life day
Best compliment ever: Being told that you really understand sex by a professional. After she gave you a HANDJOB.
I saw a picture of a baby and it reminded me to take my birth control. Priorities
Apparently I was so drunk last night I got stuck in the revolving door at the hotel. They have suveliance vidoes of it.
last night I learned that if you try to buy tacos in this town, that you will be stopped by three cop cars with breathalizers
Randomize
