we found you eating frozen orange juice with a spoon and then drinking vodka from the bottle.
I had forgotten what it was like to go to all four classes. It's exhausting.
I want you to tape your fingers together and give me a lobster claw hand job.
Showerbowl immediately followed by pullups naked. I feel like fucking Tarzan
Lil wasted at a baby shower. Here's to beating teen pregnancy BOTTOMS UP
Rain ponchos don't count as shirts at the bar. FYI.
i actually pissed myself from laughing when I saw the old man in lingerie carrying a spiderman purse. I dont know if he was real or if it was the tequila, but my head hurts.
Just got escorted to my 7:45 class by an old woman because I was too hungover to not realize I was four floors too high.
hoooly shit dude in taco costume challenged alpha douche to a fight. he's got catch phrases. come. now.
My heart feels like a grape in a barrel about to be crushed into wine
I stopped his blowjob to raise 3 fingers & whistle the hunger games tune to the people walking past the window
Car is still out of commission. Looks like it's Grape Nuts and scotch for dinner.
He knows whenever I get drunk I'm going to call him and make fun of his major. Its like a reverse booty call.
she compared me favorably to her vibrator
which one?
My professor just said irregardless, get me out of here
I guess he's ir-illiterate
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