sorry about last night, sometimes people just get drunk and have sex witht heir friends
I know, I was there.
Well my night just got interesting. I just home from the police station. Hope you had a fun night out!
First thing she said after sex was.. are you baptised by chance?
sooo i think when i get back from rothbury i should probably take a pregnancy test
but you would be showing by now. i'd just save the money and wait for a large crap in 6 months that starts crying. then you'll know.
I'm too hungover for some lady to talk to me about potatoes
They asked me to help them shop for lingerie.
Tell them everything looks awful, makes their ass look fat, etc. You'll wreck their self esteem and likely both have sex with you to make themselves feel better.
You're the most understanding sister I could ever ask for.
just woke up on my balcony. who won the super bowl?
she tried to douche with champagne. in front of all of us. unabashedly.
Shitshow foam night was such a success
I just want to be naked all the time but not in a sexual, come-hither and look at my ass sort of way. In a slightly chubby yet not ashamed way as I eat Taco Bell and lay on soft fuzzy blankets.
I'm pretty sure the guy in front of me at Walmart doesn't have good plans. It's one am he is buying a flash light and black bandanna
btw telling the cab driver, that took you to your booty call that is now returning your wallet that you left in his cab, that you want to hug him is awkward
I offered the opportunity to grope my boobs for pints. Two girls took me up.
Do you have Pokemon Go yet? I just caught a Clefairy on my walk of shame and feel way better about myself.
I figured it out! There's blood on the kitchen floor because I fell into the dishwasher. And there's a face dent. And it doesn't work.
Yea.....I saw that happen.
Randomize
