woke up at my desk with a paper in front of me that says "people stranded on islands love having wet dreams" what the fuck happened last night
you'll be glad to know I got kicked off the microphone at a bar in Breckenridge last night thanks to my country rendition of all star
almost just walked around my whole building with my bowl in my hand before i remembered 420 isnt a get out of jail free card
The first clue should've been that he literally had shit in his hair. How does that even happen?
He ate me out. IN THE MORNING. I love less attractive men.
Front seat of an Escalade in a limo-service parking lot. That is all.
I have vodka soaked strawberries. My latest tarot card reading hinted at a lesbian/bisexual coming out. I doubt I survive the night.
Hey I came back and we made joints with the breathalyzers the cops left last night.
wrestling a boy for fruit? sounds suspiciously like foreplay...
Conversations we need to have while high 1) how mermaids reproduce 2) if blind people hallucinate what do they see 3) reincarnation
I was just tryna bring you beer girl. I should've known you'd be shirtless though
Tequila ran out around 11 so she let them do body shots of chips and guacamole instead
Her weave came out on the dance floor. She was twerking and shaking one minute and her hair flew across the dance floor the next. Great way to be introduced to the family
We were making out on the floor and his 13 year old beagle crawled in between us & just sat there...I got cockblocked by an ancient beagle named Bubba
She started crying because the Rugrats grew up
Randomize
