I can tell how much and what I drank by my morning shits
You were so drunk last night you typed www.face.come/cheese.com as if you were logging into facebook.
Ya after that i took a dump on a car... We're definitely partying with him again
you don't understand, he speaks spanish and is tall. i have to do him.
there's nothing like the elf drinking game to get me in the christmas spirit.
Went to get my tattoo today. Found out the piercing girl is bi. I may just get my nipples done to get hit on tomorrow. Confidence is low these days.
Let me start this apology by saying you were the finest piece of ass I ever had.
Our Icelandic basketball player brought cocaine and rachael is screaming that he should do lines off her stomach. It's that kind of party
This is one of those moments when you do what I say or I come stalk you down like a gazelle.
Just threw up in the shower. Hangovers at 23 are the best.
I wasn't even hungover I was just mourning my dignity
He texted "fuck you" before blocking me on all social media. Come to think of it, that's also the last thing my mother said to me. Could it be that I'm the problem?
I am pretty great at coffee and mistakes
Whatever, ill dance on the bar at applebees, don't try and act like you're above it.
Because of you I can never eat chicken nuggets without thinking of you fucking him. I hope youre happy. I really do.
Randomize
