Yeah, but I'm out of licorice and there's no way anywhere near here will rent us all mopeds on a Tuesday night.
So for two years my friend Mark has been building a catapult in his basement. Yesterday he realized it's too big to get it out.
You need to give me a reason immediately why he is your friend.
I just farted in the dogs face to show him who's boss
I know the vomits not mine cause its on my back.
i think a pirate just stole the rest of our fucking beer. what an appropriate costume.
I vomited in the sink and my bra was in there...I don't even have words to describe this hangover confusion
I tried to fuck this guy who I'm pretty sure has an erectile dysfunction
His idea of romance is drunkenly leaving me dead dandelions on my car in the middle of the night
So when this rash is gone wanna hang out?
My lunch = taste testing salsas for A&P. They gave me a free 64oz grape juice as a thank you. So, now we have something to drink in the house. So while you are spending all the money on breakfast rolls and pizza for lunch, I'm cigaretteless and whoring myself for tablespoons of salsa and free juice.
I should be free tonight unless my 5 speed vibrator arrives in the mail today, than we might have scheduling conflicts.
it's the international house of making me almost fucking shit myself
sorry for showing your butt to the bar
sorry for licking your cheek
ONE DAY CAN WE PLEASE HAVE SECRET SEX. PREFERABLY IN AN ANCIENT PYRAMID BUT I'M NOT OPPOSED TO A 4 STAR HOTEL
Now I know Sunday Funday means fucking till you loose your voice.
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