So apparently when I roll on X I find 'dick ina box' not only hilarious but also sexually arousing.
i turned job hunting into a drinking game..
Wow anytime a scalper has i need tix written on the back of a franzia box thats a trusted seller
she told me her two favorite things were grocery stores and dick.
My professor just gave everyone in the class extra credit... except for the kid wearing the Cubs hat
At least he's not married... I hate Halloween hookups
In fairness it was pretty good sex, but I still wasn't expecting the mass cheering and applause he got on leaving my tent
I thi k this dude I fcken showed up to the bar in a raisins shirts. I thought I was better than that. Fuckkkk.
Saved a life and got us a free vacuum cleaner (and learned vacuum is not spelled "vacumn"). Get on my level.
But is that really the name you want to scream out during climax?
I'm dipping store brand pepperoni pizza in bacon flavored ranch dressing. Obesity tastes so good.
this hangover isn't hhappening. im not letting it
its winning. its definitely happening
these people use weed stems as birthday cake candles. I'm never coming home
I'm smoking in a kimono on the couch. Bring me gin.
I just realized my hands still smell like your cock. Which is awesome, but I wonder if the clerk at the store appreciated it.
I feel bad. I'm the reason hand sanitizer exists.
Randomize
