You can spell. I can kill people with no remorse. We all have our skills.
Where you are. You must stay where you are are
Where you are. You must stay where you are arewhere are youu
Where you are. You must stay where you 5eare wher are you!!
apparently the 911 operator took drunk dialing waaayy too seriously
drinking steel reserve before noon and watching the price is right... 211... bet i pass out before then.
you wrote "5 million dollars" in the tip line for the pizza delivery man and insisted that he deserves it
Nothing good has ever or will ever come from 50 cent beers at the bowling alley..
How exactly do I approach the whole "Well that was fun. Am I purchasing the Plan B or you?" topic?
I woke up in a lawn chair by the lake to some man revving his boat motor at me.
okay we need to get tested.
no YOU need to get tested. I'm just going along for the ride.
Your mankini haunted my dreams.
Somehow I woke up next to the bouncer who kicked us out of the bar last night...
So I got cockblocked by our relationship status last night
yeah, my mom got it for me because it had animals AND alcohol.
Not gonna make it. His stripper neighbors are playing a Super Bowl drinking game that involves removing my clothes
I’m never getting home or fucked or eating hot Taco Bell fml
Randomize