please pick me up with an explanation of why i shacked in a trailer with a guy who doesnt have a car.
I think most guys look at porn as a fallback career. I mean I know I do.
You never realize just how much you have to be thankful for until you almost shit yourself in a Target.
I just dropped my cookie in my glass of milk and looked at it for ten minutes. Thanks for telling me you made weed cookies.
Grad practice is like a live scrapbook of my drunken sexual encounters
He tried to fight me not realizing that I work as a bouncer in the the same bar we were in. His night ended with him in handcuffs, missing teeth, PLUS I got his shots that he ordered since he didn't get to drink them.
How would I get in touch with Carly Rae Jepsen if I wanted to thank her for the loss of my virginity?
He put his hand in my cleavage. NOT ON. IN. BETWEEN. NO more gingers
Just had an hour long talk with a woman, turns out she's the mom of the guy i lost my virginity to. Even better his dog was also present.. Meeting the family at its best?
Is re-gifting a Valentine's Day present worse than re-gifting a Xmas one?
You're unbelievable, unbelievably awesome.
There's no way I'm ready for marriage. I have too many pics of other guys' junk on my phone for an eternal commitment right now.
She's going to hate me
Yeah well one of her many personalities always hates you.
The rest will just start to agree
all I've ever wanted was a guy with twelve cats who will tie me up in bed
There is a moment when you wake up with a butt plug in when you question your choices in life.
There is also a moment when you wake up in a kiddie pool of jello cubes where you question what the fuck you did last night. Are you still in the attic or did you go home.
Pride log, day two. Noticing more bruises and scrapes. Liver functions probably very lowered.
Randomize
