I'm going to shit on something weird... I can't wait
He keeps saying he loves me and ruining perfectly good conversations.
im getting a BJ in a closet
and a penguin just handed me a bong
It took you an unbelievable amount of time to realize that your ass was on fire.
She started to tell me how she goes to a shrink, so I started thinking how to sneak out of her place, then she said part of it was for her sex addiction, long story short she's got her clit peirced n I just got laid
I can't be held responsible for my own vagina. Let's just be honest here.
Dude, this guy showed up with a 40 and stayed for two days. I want that lack of responsibility
DONT EVER DUNK OREOS INTO WINE . NEVER
So a sorority girl just introduced herself to me by saying "a guy I used to fuck just threw up on me" and then she grinded on me
Can I just put my face in your boobs and forget the world?
My move is emasculating men with my superior intellect and it's not as charming when they can't see my huge rack.
Our relationship is perfect
90% threatening to punch him in the dick 10% actual dickpunching
I've seriously never been more thankful for marijuana and my resting bitchface.
Yeah. I hurt his pride. But he's not over it. And by it I mean me.
Just got an exam care package consisting of only adderall wrapped in money. Score one for mom.
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