Your date looks like the Cloverfield monster. good luck.
you insisted on breathalizing me with a inhaler.
they are using this drunk girl like a spin the bottle in the hot tub, whoever she lands on she makes out with.
She rolled over this morning and asked "did you refer to my vagina as splash mountain last night? "
I'm more impressed with the spaghetti smoothie at the present moment.
He came inside me, looked me in the eye and said, "Happy Mother's Day"
We decided to leave the bar after we shattered a glassand then drive to steal a baby pool for our water festivities tomorrow
Then again, I'm single and napping with a stuffed yoda doll...so I'm not the world's authority on shit.
We can Fuck in the shower to save time
And this is why I like you. You're so damn innovative.
stop fucking thinking about him when there is A MILLION OTHER PENISES TO RIDE IN THE WORLD
Ran into a tinder match at the bar last night. We spotted each other and started making out without speaking any words to each other. Fuck yea technology!
Im just confused who has their mom break up with someone
That's true because who the fuck doesn't love Harry Potter and beer
Okay so it turns out that my bf keeps a log of every time I sleep-fart. It's dated back to 2013.
Went to the lab to print and realized the guy next to me was the one we stole all the beer from last night..... Oops
Randomize
