i just heard my neighbor say from outside my window "i don't give a shit what he does, what the hell am i gonna do with my son's penis?"
Pretty girls always come out on top. Or bottom. Whatever. Point is we come out with their boyfriends.
i may or may not have just grinded on your dog thinking it was my boyfriend
Well someone named our apartment "the eiffel tower" on facebook check-in so I think they know..
This is working out surprisingly well considering it started out with us using a christmas tree as a battering ram
I'm treating myself to a " uve slept with yet another mr. Wrong" breakfast
Party was cancelled. Me and my dog are high as tits. Wanna go roam the outlet mall?
It's that time of the week again where I begin to ponder life's great questions like, "What will my pathetic excuse for a future look like?" and "Why tacos?"
You know you're an adult when you break 100 to get 75 cents, to buy a condom from a bar vending machine in South Boston.
I've had to much cheese to give a fuck about anything. im tired.
I'M SORRY THIS WAS SEXTING AND I MADE IT SERIOUS.
Is it fucked up to venmo someone for plan-b?
The night they met I slept with both of them. Of course I'm best man.
Doing shots with my high school valedictorian. Bucket list
Well now you know... If you can get over the awkward... The dick is 10 min away.
Randomize