More dangerous that a broken heart and a shotgun.
how was that guy you hooked up with?
i used to think blowing a .05 was a good thing
omg. I had the wrong window open and I accidentaly posted my credit card # on twitter
Whats your twitter name
I just sold weed to a guy holding a baby...does this make me a bad person?
NEWSFLASH - my freind is drunk and admitted that he hates having sex with dogs. should i help him or let him be??
He also left me a wonderful voice mail..... and is now asking me where the planters peanut guy is.
You should probably go find him.
I sat a few seats down and one row behind a cute girl at the Cubs game today. Having watched her talk to the guy next to her, I found out only her name and age. I then used that information and pieced it together with over 500 girls on Facebook with the same name. I found the same girl, and we're now fbook friends.
if being a creepy fuck was an olympic sport, they'd think you were using performance enhancing drugs...
something about eating while taking a crap just doesn't seem safe to me.
Tonight is one of those "I'm wearing a shirt as a dress" nights because I need to get laid.
Either your boy toy or the kid who pulled a knife on me in high school is here
Oh you know..Chillin with your dad.
With a fannypack full of drugs.
Seriously??? You send me boob shots with your husband and kids in them???
I saved him in my phone as "Well-Hung Burrito Savior." I love Taco Tuesday.
Just bought condoms with a walmart gift card. Thanks grandma.
His ex told me that she wanted me to "take care of" him but from the way she said it I couldn't tell if she wants me to look after him or murder him.
I don't know why, but whenever I shave my balls I feel more aerodynamic.
Randomize
