is swine flu sexually transmttd?
Ha no, why?
sriously ive never had a hangovr this bad
i just saw a foot job.
porn is incredible...
Funniest shit happened at the grocery store. This kid kept asking his mom for candy over and over and she told him 'daddy said no' and he screamed 'he isn't my dad' so loud everyone in the store was silent it was awesome.
never try to heat up a hot pocket in the dryer if ur microwave breaks...bad idea.
i hope whoever thought of bagged wine flip cup last night has the same hangover as me. not ok.
It's like playing clue with my own life. I have to piece together what I did, where I was, how I did it, and who I did it to
I woke up to find that chris drank one of my contacts.
Yeah he's good at that.
You know how I've been hooking up with my ex? Well he told me he loved me and I said I was just there for sex so let's get it done. He looked sad, but he did it anyways. And life was good again.
He could stay over, if you'd just ask.
Yeah. What am I supposed to say? "Oh, my couch is occupied, but my vagina's not"
HELP! How do I get paint off the dog?
I am praying to every god I can that he drank so much that he won't even remember me
Apparently I offered the cop my Taco Bell.
Desperate times...
Just for future reference. Do not do zumba while stoned out of your mind.
I'm pretty sure that waking up butt ass naked with a bottle of 151 and a note that said "I didn't want to wake you up, but thanks" proves I had a good time....god bless America
At Target. Everyone is stocking up on food and flashlights for this storm. I stocked up on beer. Dont judge me, it was on sale...
Randomize
