You took all of my sister's dolls and threw them out the window and then you started talking to her etcha sketch and mr. potato head. I later found you passed out in front of Toy Story and it all made sense.
sorry about last night, I don't know what happened but I woke up this morning and looked strikingly similar to courtney love, it had to be bad.
Change your flight to Denver. That's where my penis is.
Halfway through banging her I realized that she was playing a sex playlist on her iPod...first time actually having sex to R.Kelly's "bump and grind"
he didn't want to fuck because he was too busy skateboarding. what are we 12? I'm too old for this shit.
Its officially tradition: I black out every year on michael jackson's death day..
I called her new haircut "lesbian progressive" and now she's upset
Well, I'm off to go seduce a gay man. In 10 years when I'm 300 pounds, sitting in a mumu surrounded by my 500 cats, remind me of this text. That way I can be like "ohhh THERE'S where I went wrong!!"
sooo I am sorta kinda using your name as my stripper stage name.
She kept asking for cigarettes, than just put them in her purse as "savings"
But I REALLY want to hide my crazy for as long as possible with him so he'll date me.
Now, one of you come feed me, the other read me my physics book...I'm too hungover for this shit...
I just chugged whiskey at 7 AM because going to breakfasts at Brendas doesnt seem right if Im not real drunk. I feel like when Brenda takes my order she can tell Im drunk and will take care of me.
I feel like I could get pregnant watching Zac Efron do yard work in this movie
My toothbrush tastes like captain morgan
I'm jealous
Randomize
