I texted him about a book we both like. I was expecting a "ya great book... let's bone" response. It didn't work
So... I just got back from the chiropractor... And he said I have a slight neck injury from head banging too much. Fuck yes.
I just found out you can file for divorce online. I love America.
When I told her that her boyfriend was making out with another chick, all she said was "which one"
You ad-libbed two DETAILED rounds of price is right, 1 wheel of fortune, and 1 deal or no deal.... by yourself with sound effects and music included
You can't be mad because the taco bell people like me and not you. I'm not the one that puked in front of them.
I can't tell if I'm hungover or if my cat just knocked the lamp on my face
Terrible hangover + phoenix airport + pizza hut....I think I might have entered one of the levels of hell.
you guys have a strange definition of the word fun. I would have said dangerous, terrifying, or life-threatening. of course, bowling can now be described the same way.
Taking care of drunk people fulfills my need to be a mother
What I'm doing now is like me taking a bagel, dropping it butter side down, leaving it for six years, picking it back up, and trying to fuck it
My roommate randomally bought me two bags of pretzels. Worst "Sorry you can hear me fucking my boyfriend everynight" gift ever.
I don't care. We're going to fuck. And I WONT apologize in the morning. You cheated on me, so you can cheat on her with me.
i gotta say this to some one...... my penis feels sooooooooo sooooooft, its amazing
like for real, sooooooooooooooo smoooooooooooooth its amazing
I can't wait for you to read this text tomorrow
I think the heterosexuals across the hall are negotiating about breeding. How do I figure out which one is against it and back them up?
Randomize
