I heard some girl say 'yeah he mustve been so drunk he kept mumbling and repeating himself'
And I thought
Fuck I do that shit every weekend
Things to remember: Girls don't appreciate it when you yell "Beast Mode!" when switching to doggy style.
he got up in front of the whole lecture hall and yelled that Charlie Brown's Christmas tree was his favorite book in the history of the universe. then he stumbled out the fire exit setting the alarm off. I could've jumped him right then and there.
Girls only wine night turned into a sloppy drunk lesbian orgy again
I'm taking this break up pretty rough.. I've never been to sad to masturbate.
I'm reciting my presentation (beer in hand) on the porch to a snowmen audience.
I wish I could but I can't. No beer pong or sex on a hammock...such an unproductive weekend
That would be an interesting position... Not entirely certain how that'd work!
Gravity is no match for my libido
wrestling a boy for fruit? sounds suspiciously like foreplay...
He's so urbane and sleek; so aesthetically chiseled, having endless features to offer me whenever I desire.
Are you fucking a guy or a condo building?
That tingly feeling you're experiencing in your lady parts is my mustache. All the ladies of America are waking up feeling the same thing. You're welcome.
Everytime I get drunk I wake up hugging the bag of bagels from three months ago
Gotta wait until my full time offer is confirmed before I try to fuck the mid level manager
My niece I'm babysitting left earlier to stay the night with her friend. I got ditched by an 8 year old.
I took it as a sign from the lord above that she wanted me to creep on these men.
Randomize
