i miss you so much
i miss you too
oops, did i send that to you? i meant to send it to the money you owe me
hanging on that rope, lady gaga looks exactly like a used tampon
all i know is that if they can hide that much blood in her outfit, they definitely could have hid a penis
You were sitting at the bus stop holding hands with some Polish girl you just met, who was just as drunk as you were, and you kept trying to light your Kit Kat and smoke it.
Then I received a text in French, that roughly translated to "all you'll ever be good for is sex on the Internet"
Its so akward after he cums on my face. like usually the porn just ends
he was gone before i woke up. left a pee stain, phone number, note and $20 for sheets. safe to say i will not be calling.
in fingerprint form on my ass. Seriously not cool. \ni bruiiiseeee like a delicate fruiiiitttt. Heeeaaarrr the rythymmm
Yea... you were given too many get out of jail free cards. God just gave up on you having a healthy and happy vagina.
So, just in case you go to the bathroom in the middle of the night.. Sam is asleep in the first stall.
i woke up to you and that girl going out onto the balcony naked
oh sorry man.. we went outside because we DIDN'T want to wake you
You left me a voice message at 5 a.m. It was mostly incoherent noise, you screaming my name and then something about a man with two butt holes...
Meant to have fun, ended up giving speech about consent to guy at bar. Feminist side feels happy. Orgasms side feels confused and betrayed.
I think it's important to not involve Bar Food in any near future decisions.
For some reason she gave me a handjob. It was all very confusing
What??! Dude I'm not having you barging in at like 2 am smelling of cigarettes and disappointment to sleep on my couch and then have an awkward morning with my wife while I'm at work.
Touché sir
Randomize
