Just taught my suite how to queef. I feel like i'm back in 9th grade!
His facebook interests include 'unstrapping velcro'.
Remember that time we were in the handicap bathroom snorting Molly at the stripclub. That was a defining moment in our friendship
i keep looking at my boobs and it just baffles me how he could give this up.
I don't care if he's straight, his cock will be in my mouth by midnight. Like a closeted Cinderella.
She fuckin peed on me
Stay golden ponyboy
Chuck job is nothing more than to be my dick stand when I'm too drunk to hold it while pissing
so far I've only met her once and hung out one other time. Up to 5 BJs already. That's serious efficiency.
Walk of shame. Stopped at an estate sale on the way back to the house. Old lady pulled a condom wrapper of the back of my hoodie. beat that
I'm not sure what is worse, the fact that Hoffman doesn't sell vodka before 9am or that I was trying to buy vodka at 8:30am.
I just came so hard I growled. Definitely found my gspot.
I'm smoking pot with a man in a pink suit, size 15 wide shoes who bought his bowl from a place called Chinese Bling Bling while I'm dressed as a unicorn drinking pumpkin beer
I think I'm just gonna exercise my lungs and fingers. With bong hits and crochet. BECAUSE I AM A REAPONSIBLE ADULT DAMMIT!!
The condoms have been found. I repeat: THE CONDOMS HAVE BEEN FOUND. he isn't a collector!!!
I'm glad that we laid to rest the suspicion that he was keeping them in a scrapbook. yayy
It's probably not a good thing when it isn't even 6:30 and I've already drank an entire bottle of wine. By myself. I'm watching Spice World and I just bought 2 Spice Girls albums off itunes.
Make that 3 Spice Girls albums.
Randomize
