alone in the kitchen at 4 am eating a hotdog.
dude if i could bring that prime piece of meat home, id be the luckiest average-looking girl who ever lived
and I asked her"are you allergic to condoms latex like your older sister " she said "Idk this is gonna be my 1time"
you'll be glad to know I got kicked off the microphone at a bar in Breckenridge last night thanks to my country rendition of all star
you kept say ridiculous things then repeating them in perfect classical latin. You are onee intelligent drunk
Just got a Snapchat of his dick with the caption 'We miss you.'
That's true love, there.
this night may include but is not limited to : police encounters, wild animals, stomach pumping, and waking up in a field
If I end up in a healthy relationship because of this, I will NEVER forgive you!!!
YOU GAVE HIM A BLOWJOB ON YOUR DOORSTEP?!
OMFG "ASS" JUST STARTED PLAYING ON MY PHONE VIA PANDORA AS IM IN THE CAR WITH A CONGRESSMAN FUCKKKK
I was on all fours trying to empty the bowl we smoked into the sewer when your neighbor came out, but besides that it went smoothly
Do they sell "congrats in losing your virginity!" cards and do they come in gay?
Ask him to BK for an ice cream cone and do him in the car. That counts as a date
Showed up to the airport to find my fuck buddy is on the same flight. Do you think he'd be intertested in the mile high club?
I thought it turned out lovely. You got to see me almost naked and I got to be stoned to the point I was content with
Wtf when were you almost naked??
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