I was looking through my facebook friends list to see how many ppl on the list i've hooked up with, and was effectively reminded of my failed friendships, relationships, fuck budy-ships, friends with benefits, and "i cant remember if i ever did shit with him but we're awkward now" ships.
Those strippers last night smelled great. It was the perfect mixture of vanilla and daddy issues.
I can’t believe the potential orgy I left behind at Waffle House.
His pubic hair was longer than his dick
First date. He's wearing a tuxedo shirt and keeps asking me about our future children. Escape plan #3 is now in action...
Before I left he asked me if I could submit my panties for the frat house undergarment chandelier. I said yes
Do you think it'd be inappropriate to have an I'm Not Keeping My Baby Party the day after her baby shower?
John stretched a condom over his face and tried to puke in it.
Hefty paycheck and not get wasted can't exist in the same night
We haven't even eaten dinner yet and she's already been asked to "take it down a notch" by the groom's mom.
Look, opening a Guinness with a steak knife and nearly cutting your finger off to make another carbomb is always a good idea.
Suppose hypothetically u received a request for face time communication with a gentleman who looked astonishingly like a penis. Would you indulge him in conversation? Hypothetically of course.
Showing up to Easter hungover, late, and covered in black an blues from pole dancing. Daughter of the year.
I need a costume
Dude just wear a bra or something hahaha
I just want to drink cheap wine and throw my bra at an aging singer songwriter
Randomize
