dude! the alphabet song and twinkle twinkle little star are like the same tune
what drug did you take to come to that conclusion??
You did not just nickname me "Nipples".
Do you think it'll be awkward standing up at their wedding knowing I've slept with both the bride and the groom?
I really need to find better places to throw up. I would like to be able to use the bathroom sink the next morning for brushing my teeth
We need somewhere to take these girls. Otherwise it's a orgy in the Mazda.
The vomit I understand but how is there seaweed in my bed?
I got a second ticket last night for drunkly using my one call to order a pizza and get it delivered at the police station
Honestly I think at this point I purposefully schedule nothing on Sundays anymore so I can spend all day wallowing in my shame.
I'm 99.9% sure the people upstairs are using walki-talkies to talk to each other across the room. Too high for this shit
He just whispered "doors are weird" and then laughed so hard he fell down the stairs.
He tried to reenact Braveheart's freedom scream but got tackled by his drunk roommate who thought he was yelling that the handle he was holding up was free.
I love you with the passion of a thousand FUCKBOYS during the height of week 1 texting
But he was still all, "YOU TEXTED TONY WHILE YOU WERE GETTING FUCKED?!" Like THAT was the weird part.
I’m mid 4sum and you’re sending me photos of your cat. We had very different evenings.
I don't remember anything from last night, but at track I found my thong next to the high jump pit... So it must has been decent
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