I can text with my tongue
i just heard the ice cream truck outside while mid-masturbation. i stopped and considered running outside to buy one.
Wtf. Who made this Big Mac, Helen Keller?
I threw up red last night... I wanted to pinch myself because it wasn't green.
Also I feel like 60% of our relationship is based on sausage mcmuffins.
I'm making tacos. Give me one good reason why we shouldn't be high while eating those tacos.
If you want to borrow my flask for all future interviews as a good luck charm because your last one went so well with it in your suit pocket, just let me know
omg. i wish i could describe to you the number of things that were just in my vagina. i feel like i got gangbanged by construction workers.
No, I don't just love you because you have big boobs. I just wouldn't visit as often.
my dad pointed to my full beer and said drink up we're leaving now.
can you adopt me?
He is really real. Like I know where he works, have referenced him with mutual fb friends and I've seen his dick. He's real.
I'll be there with bells on. And by "bells" I mean "jäger bombs". And by "on" I mean "being poured down my gullet".
I got my eyebrow ring humped out. How is that even possible?
location: under the moon. please find me. need ride home.
wow. that really looks like a penis. not a top hat
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