I miss you. Just wanted to say that before the drugs kicked in so it's legit.
Literally like 10 people walking in my building talking about how much they hate draco
You can't date a girl from every country.
I'm the captain planet of women
You came out of the bathroom, said "I'M DRUNK BUT I REMEMBERED TO WASH MY HANDS!" and then insisted that she smell them.
Hey, you guys have all had chicken pox, right?
Aside from the fact that there's a penis in my mouth, that's a pretty good picture of me
for once, the $56 i am about to pay for plan b was actually worth the sex.
i just remembered that i did the "single ladies" dance ON THE BAR...fuck you slippery nipples i curse the day i discovered you
He said he wanted to have butt sex with me and curl up with me after and just be near me. Then he passed out.
Just pulled a Kenny Powers on a snowmobile
I'm gonna take a nap by the fireplace and pretend like I know what day it is.
I called you daddy and let you stick things in my butt, I am a damn 11.
I'm determining which apartments I'm mostly to move into based on how suitable the kitchens are for sex .
My law teacher drew an elephant on the board in class. I was so high that I laughed for 5 minutes straight. Nobody else laughed and everyone stared. 130 people knew I was high.
Tbh I’m not a vibrator enthusiast
But I am godly
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